You use far too many elipses. Do something else to create dramatic effect. In fact, try any of the following: *Add a hyphen to create a break. *Try add a quantifying statement (Example: '"This is the last thing you can do…either that or go back to fast food!"' turns into '“This is the last thing you can do," he paused, the quip hanging tenatively off his tongue, "Either that or go back to fast food!"' [I'm aware that's a bad break, I don't much care.]) *Use a comma, a full stop or, if all oth...

This made me smirk. I think you might need to change some of the rhymes. For example the use of "circumcisons" is awful. It doesn't fit with the rest of the toilet humour very well and you don't need to lower yourself to that level. Some other you might want to look out for is frivolous verse. Example: "But when we get down to it I just love the way you do it And I love you, mmm Please don’t turn around" This is unessecary, it slows the pace of the song and enforces a joke you make several ti...

You get your line order mixed up sometimes (I'm assuming this is a one line to one line conversation). Example: "Guy: CV? Muse: Yes, Guy: Oh. Muse: What? Guy: I'm sorry. Muse: What? What happens? Guy: You see, I am a regular Muse. Like Muse for writing letters, stories, novels. But for CV, I myself use the CV Muse." - Edited for clarity. Change this or it makes no sense.

A simple edit: "I’ve seen historical events Both of elation and desolation alike I’ve seen two tremendous towers fall From the blows of two powerful strikes" Cut the above stanza. It'e the only one which makes explicit reference to an event and it destroys the lucid, dreamlike quality that the poem builds leading to it. It's also the only stanza which doesn't meet your rhyme scheme. (Except for the embarrasing half-rhyme of alike and strikes.) If you like it too much to cut it, re-work it or ...

You make a lot of allusions to emotion, lost memories and similar things, however, they aren't focused. As such, the meaning of this peice is rendered completely ambigous. This isn't always a flaw, it depends on the poet's ability to include an audience memember emotionally in a peice. In your case it is a flaw. I recommend adding in a few more stanza's (Oh yeah! You need to seperate it first, it's technically already done with your punctuation. Make it clearer.), no more than two. Personally...

Okay, I hate to be the equivalent of a literary bitch, but I'm going to have to be. This is too lofty. You give the audience no information beyond the overtly emo message "everything is BAD". I have no problem the message: you feel what you feel, but how about making it interesting for us to read? Give us some explanation of WHY everything is bad. Possibly make your narrator sound like less of an arrogant tosser. As an audience we WANT to be entertained, we'll go with whatever you want as lon...

It's spelt Chekov for reference. This is a good peice, although you could cut a few words. Example: "Wendy stood in the silent room." The word silent is entirely nessecary for this sentence. Personally, I don't think it adds enough to justify it's existence here. If you think that you have to keep it I recommend re-phrasing it to: "Wendy stood silently in the room." It gives the character a sense of desolation without relyinh on the audience to pick up on the significance of pathetic fallacy.