First off, I really liked the fable. Too often in the modern world we forget the power of allegory. The writing style and pace were very good and kept the reader apace with the story. The only suggestion I would make is that since the story takes place in a fantasy world it might be good to jazz-it up a bit. Not go over the top to the ridiculous level, but rather exaggerate the characters and their actions just. A good example is the Uncle Remus tales; they have profound wisdom and characters...

I enjoyed the piece, it captured my interest and compelled me (in a good way) to continue reading. The main character is revealed enough to show that he is multi dimensional and yet not so much as pigeon hole him as one type or another. The only suggestions I have are technical and may even be construed at dealing with style and hence not relevant at all. That said, here goes… At times the piece seemed a little word heavy. For example in the first sentence we learn that the man is driving an ...

I can’t remember the last time a read a piece so very rich in detail. Not only could I see the scene with perfect clarity, but I could almost smell the decay. So much about a character is reveled by their environment that I think I have Nelda pretty well pegged. Mechanically I had a little trouble with the length of some of the sentences. Punctuation is not my strong suit; however it seems to me that commas after phrases in very long sentences make for easier reading. Also when I decide to po...

This is a very enjoyable story. The detail is extremely rich and gives a feel for the place and situation Jessie is in as the story begins. Because of that, I had a pretty good idea why Mr. Anderson was there in a limousine. Usually, that’s a bad thing, but in a good story like this it is not. The only suggestions I could make may well be a matter of style and if so are irrelevant. Speeding the story up a degree might be a good idea. There is so much detail that losing some to achieve that en...

A very good story, it was a vivid reminder of the nervousness one experiences after a particularly good date and how obsessive we can become when infatuated. I particularly liked the ‘lost cell phone’ rationalization Jeffrey did to support his behavior. Adding a bit more description and color to the story might be a good idea. For Example, making her front door blue (or some other strong color) could add to the experience. In the grill, perhaps he’d never or seldom been there and now was vary...

Having quite a bit of experience on posting boards I share your attitude about those who attack someone with unseemly viciousness. I’ve been cussed out, condemned to someplace called “hell” and told I was remarkable stupid. At first it irritated me, but after a while I realize that the comments reflect the issues their authors suffer from. With these folks the old saying, “when you point a finger at another you point three at yourself,” seems to apply with a vengeance. Okay, enough from my pu...

I really liked this piece. The descriptions were so vivid that I could almost taste the wine and barbecued ribs. The dialog was completely true to the way folks talk and made me feel I knew the characters. Honestly, I’m a little hard pressed for suggestions. In the fifth paragraph second sentence you might consider changing the last phrase to something like, “watching the Indians play their hated rivals the Detroit Tigers.” About halfway through the piece, just after lighting a cigarette Lavo...

A very interesting story with a lot of potential. Lou is a character that I feel like I know, or at least that I can understand. A few suggestions. I liked starting with the pronouncement by Dr. Strauss. It set up a dramatic situation we can all fear and be upset about. At this point it would be a good idea to give the reader some reason to be emotionally invested in Lou. I wanted to feel a sense of loss and foreboding, but without knowing him better I just didn’t. My second suggestion ties i...