Calypsoidal1's profile
AGE:
38
LOC: Bellingham, WA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: December 11
LOC: Bellingham, WA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: December 11
I write big books. I’ve finished eight of them, plus five stage plays (three performed, including a musical history of the CIA), three format-proper screenplays, a graphic novel, a few comics, and lots and lots of essays. I hate my writing, so I joined URBIS because I’m sick of writing in a void. And yes, I drew my own avatar.
Items
Version 9
16 Reviews
17 Comments
CHAPTER 1 THE INTERVIEW So there I was, shaking my rubber-wrapped ass on the dance floor at Sane in the provincial hippie sanctuary of Holy Cross, California. I did my best thinking with my hips in motion, and the funky bass riff of Stevie Wonder’s “Higher Ground” was just what the doctor ordered. I was working out a plan to seduce a chemist. The solution was just tickling my pelvis when someone tapped me on the shoulder. “Total!” I spun around and crashed into the white block letters of a SA...
Version 1
9 Reviews
7 Comments
CHAPTER 1 THE INTERVIEW “My name is Total.” I was shocked to hear the words come out of my mouth, because it meant that, after all these years of saying it, it had finally become true. I knew it was true because at the time I said it, I was frying my brains out on The Drug – the drug I’d come to Holy Cross to find; the drug so strong you needed somebody else to take it for you; the drug so powerful that if you injected it, you’d never come down; the drug that made it impossible to feel hate, ...
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Reviews
The need in this chapter is consistent and treated very well - the need to heal L's wound. I got a very good sense of the story moving forward here. I missed seeing more of the elf village - the hall is described, but what about the rest? Suffered from too many characters, but saved by good focus on healing L, on M's love, and learning something important about T and his heritage. Mature plot and world building, wanted more sensual detail to buffer scenes and surround characters.
Having reviewed Part 2, I have the same comments: the wonderful writing, the easy dialogue, just a few places where one too many descriptions crowds into a single sentence, like the library. But it held my interest, the strange story of how all this stuff ended up in this house...Really a pleasure. _They turned off the walk to the front door and walked under_ - walk/walked _Lemons trees against the wall smothered the arched basement windows with dust and dead leaves._ - the dust and dead leav...
This piece seems to lack a sense of perspective. Time, distance. Standing at an open casket or remembering the loss later? The questions are for an absentee father, not a dead one. "Shake the cobwebs" - cliche, confusing. "had placed" and "place[d] it into" - was this present tense on purpose?
I liked much of this chapter, but found the writing holding it back. Good interaction between the sisters, not so good with the parents. Nice level in Addie's warning about college, good sense of Charlotte being between two things. _She was met with a wave of camp smells_ - Careful using this "she was met" construction, which weakens the wave of camp smells. _It was Addie. Her sister was using her don’t-use-all-the-hot-water voice_ - could be combined to avoid the "sister was using." Also, yo...
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