Carie's profile
AGE:
27
LOC: Santa Monica, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: December 25
LOC: Santa Monica, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: December 25
I am normally a serious person who has tendencies to be ridiculously goofy. I enjoy sarcastic humor.
I’m currently going through a divorce. I have two children. An eight year old boy and a five year old girl. I am working as a Real Estate Consultant, mostly from home, which I fully enjoy.
Lots of questions that have no answers right now. But if you have any, I’ll go my best to answer them.
Items
Version 1
5 Reviews
7 Comments
You lost me when you said You know me. I'm not one to be known So now, you know the dead? Have you planned your revenge As I have I planned mine? When people ask how you are I bet you tell them you're fine. Chorus: Hello my Enemy You used to be my friend. I used to let you use me But you were so unusable And now, we've reached the end... the end. Verse 2: What's coming to you It's to be paid in full. No IOUs How's it feel to lay in your drool? Let's move on... To the morgue scene Now that you...
Version 1
5 Reviews
2 Comments
Verse 1: Fingers running through hair, Turning head. So at the other, he can stare. Chorus: You didn't ask for that But it's what he gave. What are you going to do about it? Except take it to your grave. Where are you going to take it? Except take it to your grave. Bridge? What are we? We're all the same. Every boy, every girl. We all play the game. Chorus: You didn't ask for that But it's what it gave. What are you going to do about it? Except take it to your grave. Where are you going to ta...
Version 1
4 Reviews
7 Comments
You used to give me breakfast in bed It's so weird, That now you think I should be dead. You called my name but I had to run I had things to do And I didn't want my life to be done. Chorus: Maybe one day I'll let you kill me Maybe someday But not today. I need someone Someone to fill me Maybe someone But I don't think you're the one. Verse 2: You got so viscious, so mad Seeing me with him. But I didn't fuck him, so just be sad. You know I loved you, Guess it wasn't enough Bid yourself ado, bi...
Version 1
5 Reviews
2 Comments
Live and learn You give and yearn For the things and people you can't have On the road To new abode Looking for a new Ave. What you find In a bind Could just set you free In the night Scared with fright 'Till you realize you're with me Chorus: How would you know If you don't try How can you laugh If you can't cry How can you live If you won't die Verse 2: Take too little Speak with spittle And I will leave so fast Let down your guard And we'll go far We can really last Lost and found We go ar...
Version 1
5 Reviews
2 Comments
Do I need a cure For feeling so sure That everything's going to work? What if I find That I have been blind And that there are no perks? Chorus: And unto that day When I go away I'll know what I seek. And unto that day When I go away I'll stop being so weak. Verse 2: Call me on the line Tell me I'll be fine I'm alone, but I'm not. Reassure me Be there for me Don't leave me here to rot. Chorus: And unto that day When I go away I'll know what I seek. And unto that day When I go away I'll stop b...
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Reviews
It has quite a nice flow. It also brings nice pictures to mind. Flow and imagery. Great job!
Quite sad. I like all but the ending. The flow is interrupted by those longer lines. You might be able to cut them in pieces. "At your feet" - "Fighting for a moment" Etc. I hope you find this helpful. Good job, keep writing!
This is great! I smiled through the whole thing. I have to two children, 8 and 5, who would find this adorable. I don't have any suggestions because you did such great work!
Quite humerous it seems to me. Am I right to assume that you are trying to get published and may have been published in the past? I guess I find it hard to relate, but I imagine it to be another "dog eat dog" type of atmosphere. I wish you luck in whatever endeavors you pursue. Great writing!
I like this, but there is something missing. I'm sorry I don't know exactly what "it" is. When I read it, I came away with a question. On what day the song in your heart die and why? The second line says that it (the bell) had long since been quiet. Also, in the 9th line from the top, it seems like there are two spaces in between "like" and "tears". I think you did very well and I hope you find my review to be helpful.
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