CarolineTigeress's profile
AGE:
41
LOC: Longview, WA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 20
LOC: Longview, WA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 20
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Version 1
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Cynthia Anderson looked down at the body of her best friend and lover, Anne Banner. Anne lay in a plain, white hospital bed with her eyes closed. Her right arm held an intravenous feed of glucose and an automatic blood pressure machine. An oximeter was on her middle finger, and the wire ran to a large machine that automatically displayed the oxygen content in Anne’s brain as well as her pulse. Her face was swathed in bandages, as was most of her upper torso, her left arm, amputated at the fo...
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I like your atmosphere, I like the setting. At a certain point, even short stories like this written in the first person can get tedious with all of the, "I's". You might consider writing in the third person - much more difficult technically, but you may attract a larger readership. The relationship between the child and her grandparents was very well devolped, and the feelings of the child were real. I think you're on to something here, so perhaps give it a little rest and then tackle it aga...
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