Cavol's profile

I think this will appeal to very many people in the sense that it talks about something as rudimentary as waking up from a more profound out look. I think it's good how you express the tedium of it all from your mention of hitting the snooze button multiple times to laundry and deadlines and all that stuff.

The good: -The whole thing was very visible - I could almost see it acted out in front of me (facial expressions and all) even in places where descriptions weren't given. I can totally see Dave's grandiose outbursts and Cheryl's sarcastic indifference to it. -"Harlot! I now see what your game is!" - very funny The bad: -(logistics) No way that sandwitch was still fresh after 4-5 days in the fridge; at least wilt the lettuce The bottom line: I kinda like it, but don't get it at the same time. ...

The good: Your economy of language. The story leaped from simple mind tricks to getting shot in the head by the pigs but still somehow felt informed. I think it would create an even more interesting juxtaposition if the simple tricks were even simpler; like blowing away people's hats on non-windy days rather than levitating cars ect. The bad: "Knocking down trees just by looking at them, levitating cars, and all the other perks of having the power of a god." - That sentence is fragmented when...

The good: The bad: - "...he shouted, still running his hands through his hair, now not in an attempt at discovery, but due to sheer nerves" - there's gotta be a better way to articulate that. Perhaps if you only had 1 tag i.e. take out the bit about him running his hands thorough his hair and tag some other bit of dialog with that instead. - "Damn hell. I just got a new rug!" - You didn't paint this guy out to be very sophisticated, so I think the last thing that someone like him (someone who...

The good: -You choices for potential role models. The best way I could describe it is carefully chosen at random. Meaning you have such a wide variety of images from Hilary swank to the traffic sign lady but they all fit together somehow. -That you didn't choose Paris Hilton or Britney or Lindsay Lohan; the more obvious options for a piece on role models for women/girls -The repetition of your mom and sisters -"...or maybe Demi Moore, who proved trophy wives could divorce, could obtain trophy...