Cazzidy's profile
AGE:
28
LOC: Springfield, IL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 05
LOC: Springfield, IL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 05
my name is Cassidy, and i am 26. i have, most days, lived beyond my years. i take writing seriously. i take constructive criticism seriously. and if you provide such criticism, i will take you seriously. thanks for visiting my profile, now go read some of my work! :-)
Items
Version 1
6 Reviews
0 Comments
atlas, oh my atlas pale with skinny arms scratched up like used dinner plates the world grows like a tumor between your shoulder blades and your sweaty hands curve up to meet it in revolution as if you could ever rid yourself of this that is yours i stand beside you, i speak a little and when i do i think you know all about my cement heart and all about my dying but i will continue to stand here shackled to your arthritic ankle this act, dear one, is the infection seeping through the chain di...
Version 1
6 Reviews
0 Comments
fruit falling all around and even now she has her back against the wall, afraid to pick it up her naked body still and staring into some kind of expedition, there’s no kidding she’s always been there cocked at the hips beneath a magnolia tree in the dusty yawn of moonlight with her lips a mess of red, pursed and tired of waiting she is a lady, no mistake, a woman with that curving chicken bone waist and those slender, sleeping thighs everything porcelain white, everything ready and ripe twelv...
Version 1
18 Reviews
3 Comments
rarely she will wake me tender like soft, barefeet on hard wood floors pausing for my eyes to see her wandering at my window again clothed without her usual veil, as if she were bare for only me she smiles and the sheets are cold on my feet where she spreads with fingers diaphanous
Version 1
17 Reviews
7 Comments
your sweet slow lull of sound pulled across low vocal chords bent, almost submissively, around my ears and became a world etched on me... a symphony between the skin and bone, exactly where love for you should be you spoke and nothing else existed except the chair where you sat, half reclined and our bodies touching easily we are the instrument closely played, my face so close to yours so softly aching to create the tenderness of a touch saccharine skin awake with staccato kisses
Version 1
10 Reviews
2 Comments
the bed in the middle of the yard, it's little legs engulfed with snow, didn't look misplaced at all our breath like fog from open mouths seeped from beneath the sheets, then froze and fell straight into our faces we stayed on, awakening to everything this beautiful, the cold a pain like heavy syrup to cover everything i feel
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Reviews
its always hard to critique a poem that is so close to the writers heart. i love the idea of the poem, but for me it almost reads like a long run on sentence. i think one way to remedy this is by maybe adding in some line breaks to seperate a new thought. for instance, i feel a new thought begins with "tiny sparrows", maybe that could be the first line of the new stanza. also the last line seems out of place. "but for this moment it is morning". you haven't really provided any balance to that...
love the opening line. i like the fact that this is a shorter piece...however, the topic you've chosen is one of great popularity, and i feel as though you might be able to express your views in a more unique manner. "the cleanser of earth and the washer of sins". while this is a powerful idea, the line you've used has been done over and over again. i think you would have a really great work if you maybe chose some different phrases and kept the poem the same length it is now.
im not sure ive ever said this of any work of poetry before, but, this was adorable! i really enjoyed it. you conveyed your thoughts strongly throughout while keeping a great flow. and not only that, i completely understood and related to what you were saying. great work!
this was a cute diddy. brought a smile to my face. it was easy to understand, and fun.
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