I like the rhyming of the word ale. I like how the last sentence ties into the first making it come full circle. The rhythm of it flows nicely until you reach the third sentence about the wasp sting. You may want to figure out a way to shorten it. Maybe instead of ‘I’d been’ say ‘I was’ and replace ‘and that it’s’ with “who’s” so it reads like this: I told him I was stung by a killer space wasp who’s venom may prevail. Or something along those lines. As for illustrations, if you’re planning o...

May I make a suggestion; I just reviewed Ginger Ale-ien, which I liked. I particularly liked the rhyming of it. If these stories are supposed to be tied together to make one book of a plan to Destroy the Moon, here is my suggestion: I would pick one style for these short stories. Decide whether to keep them poetry-like with the rhyming or prose-like with the descriptions. Either way would work. I just think if you mix them up, you might confuse your audience. I was a bit confused and children...

I think this is the best one of yours I’ve read so far. I like the rhyming in this one too. You do very well with it. You might want to consider making all of the sections for the plan to Destroy the Moon to be this way. I like the repetition of the “King of the World” and “Kick the King.” I can see a child repeating some of the phrases, especially the last one since it’s a parody on an already used phrase.

Funny. I love that fact that she's talking right to you and I've always wonder what goes on in a cat's head. At least I do with my cat. I can picture her on her feet staring at her owner who isn't really paying attention to her. It's really well written. You have a few spelling errors, but nothing that bogs down the story. I liked it.

Question: Why the capitalization of pigeon? Not sure if this is explained when all the stories are put together. Again I like the rhyming, but you might want to tighten it a bit. Some of the rhyming gets lost in the words.

Ok, now I'm a bit curious. Is there an introduction to these stories? Maybe an intro to the book? I'm just wondering how all the stories tie into one another. It sounds like it's a collection of stories that will make up this Destroy the Moon book. Am I correct? If so, they're going to need to flow into one another to make the book interesting. The story themselves are funny and unique. I'm just curious how they will fit together in one binding.

You've got my attention which is always a good thing to a start of a book. This paragraph catches the readers and leaves them wanting more. Keep at it.

It feels a bit drawn out. I like the concept of the turtles being snatched, but you might want to rewrite this story by adding some more action. Have the turtles try to escape prior to the sink. Maybe Forgetful and Hookwarm can try escaping and that's how the cat gets Forgetful. You also included many extra characters, I started to get confused. You already have five main characters with the turtles, the extras feel a bit overcrowded in the story. You have a nice foundation with the storyline...

It's a good start. I like the concept of the house having a dark history to it and Emma having to come to terms with her new home. I would liven up the prologue a bit. A prolouge is away to peek the readers interest. Get them wanting to know more. As it stands, based on the prologue alone and no notes, I wouldn't be too interested in reading the rest of the book. This paragraph is more of a Chapter 1 beginning. The prologue should have a bit of action to it, a mystery. Maybe the first time Em...