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Charlotte's profile
AGE:
43
LAST LOGIN: June 05
LAST LOGIN: June 05
I describe myself as an extremely prolific writing trying desparately to work up the courage to actaully publish something.
For those that read this before “paying” for a review, I write short stories, novels, and other texty stuff. I do not write or pretend to understand the complexities of poetry, but I like to read it. i would review either if I felt the urge.
Items
Version 1
33 Reviews
19 Comments
Sarah trotted rapidly down the street, heels clicking on the damp pavement as she rushed to catch her bus. Today of all days, she could not be late. At 9:45 sharp, she was going to meet with the board. Today her life would change; today they would finally recognize all her hard work as a junior account manager and decide to give her clients of her own. She peered around the edge of her umbrella and saw the crosswalk light begin to flash. She increased her speed to a jog determined to cross be...
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Reviews
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Boy this sounds oddly like something else I was reading before. Are you posting multiple chapters of it? If, not be advised. I did not see any grammer or editing issues. I liked it.
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I like the story but I think it would be even better if you could build up some background more and add to the development of the characters. i feel like I got tossed into the middle of a conversation with people I don't know. But the story is great, keep working on it...
The wording could use a little help in some places. It got a little confusing, like here "typical Lauren spoke up. She was obcessed with" Also you should consider dropping some of your "he said she said" in a continuous conversation you don't need to label the speaker each time to be understood. Other than those two minor things, I liked it. Looking forward to more.
My only comment would be to do something to set apart the verbal from the non-verbal communication. It got pretty confusing as to which was what. Other than that, moving along well.
I liked this. You tell a sad tale and your words echo the darkness of that story. I have a few comments. Here: The hungry child that dies unmourned. ...... The sad young man driven to sucide. I think might have flowed better to my ear as: Hungry child that dies unmourned. desperate soldier lost and forlorn. aged old woman forgotten alone. man on the street with no home. sad young man driven to sucide. Just a thought but the numerous "the"s stuck out at me.
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