Cherai's profile

I love the apathy the speaker has towards their heart. It's not broken, it doesn't beat, it's just something to look at while pooping. The line "not once electric alive" makes me think of "I sing the body electric". I think this is well written and I like that the heart is whittled down the "paper and ink", with subtle tones of sadness, such as the fact that it doesn't beat, and the speaker compares themselves to flimsy paper and ink, and something to just be stared at.

I like the comparison between the heart and the sword and the arrows and kisses. With this logic, I'm reading death to be love, or some sort of affection. The suggestive title really works with the poem. I love the diction, but I'm confused about the spaces between the last words and the punctuation marks. I think it could be reworked for clarity, while I got that reading, I had to read the entire poem a few times to understand it, which is perfectly fine, but some of the wording such as "Why...

This seems like an experiment in wordplay and I'm loving it. My favorite line is "a ghost drifting" because you can see the drift with the elongated space. The fast-paced rhyming was really nice and played with the tempo of the poem. I'd work on the few spelling errors, and that's pretty much it. Also, the first line is just great.

I really like this. I like that the poem breaks down more and more from lines to words and finally just into "why". I like how the first half parallels the second half of the poem. Very chilling and well-written. My one concern is the spelling of the word "bear". Is it on purpose that you use the animal, or did you confuse "bear" with "bare"? With the animal spelling, it makes me think that you are indeed blaming a bear for the tragedy that occurred, but I want to think that's not the case.