Chocolate_Poetry's profile

Chocolate_Poetry avatar
AGE: 20
LOC: Piedmont, OK
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: December 26

My name is Brandon. I’m 16 years old and, as you can probably guess, I LOVE to write. It’s my dream to have a published, known poem or story someday. If you read any of my writing, I will certainly return the favor.

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Poetry / My Mother
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
Through all my lonely childhood And those struggled teenage years In every happy moment And every single tear I reached my hand beside me And nothing did I find No mother to confide in I was walking this road blind You held your lovely liquor More than you did I And all those painful nights You sat and watched me cry I know that I should hate you But somehow through this all I’ve learned to love so deeply And now I stand so tall I wish that you still lived today To see who I’ve become I doubt...
Ratings & Rankings
Romance / The Guillotine
Version 3
3 Reviews   0 Comments
The Guillotine By: Brandon White Chapter One – The Guillotine It’s cold outside. Rampant breaths reveal my fear in a continuous line of smoke trailing from my mouth. I’m nearly naked, dressed only in a mocking shroud draped across my shoulder and tied around my waist so as not to display any private areas. Chains and shackles bind my wrists and ankles, a representation for me of a simple flicker, a blemish in the renowned light of the normality of society. I hold my head high in pride. Even i...
Ratings & Rankings
Romance / The Guillotine
Version 2
2 Reviews   0 Comments
It’s cold outside. Rampant breaths reveal my fear in a continuous line of smoke trailing from my mouth. I’m nearly naked, dressed only in a mocking shroud draped across my shoulder and tied around my waist so as not to display any private areas. Chains and shackles bind my wrists and ankles, a representation for me of a simple flicker, a blemish in the renowned light of the normality of society. I hold my head high in pride. Even if it is false, it is all I have… They mock me, screaming and ...
Ratings & Rankings
Novel Treatments / Cradled Mercy
Version 1
2 Reviews   0 Comments
Chapter I - Jonathon My mother always told me love was the slowest form of suicide. In my home, it was known as a poison which blinds the eyes, deafens the ears and paralyzes the body. I always agreed. Though deep in my heart it was a passion I always longed for. I always dreamed of one heart, one soul to love no matter and whether it be life or death, our love would live forever. Of course I couldn’t tell my mother that. Ever sense my father ran out on us and left us with absolutely nothing,...
Ratings & Rankings
Romance / The Guillotine
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
Chapter One – The Guillotine It’s cold outside. Ramped breaths reveal my fear in a continuous line of smoke trailing from my mouth. I’m nearly naked, dressed only in a mocking shroud draped across my shoulder and tied around my waist so as not to display any private areas. Chains and shackles bind my wrists and ankles, a representation for me of a simple flicker, a blemish in the renowned light of the normality of society. I hold my head high in pride. Even if it is false, it is all I have… T...
Ratings & Rankings
Reviews
This is very beautiful and descriptive. I think there was a lot of metaphor in it that i didnt really understand (but that's because im young and really metaphor isn't my strongest subject ^.^). I really liked the way you opened the poem up. The first line really makes you think... I had to think about it for a moment, to be honest. Wondering if I truly agreed with it or not. And in the sense which I came about it, I agreed. Great job on this!
Poetry / Not Me!
This poem had it's moments that were pretty good. Overall it was a bit too informal for my taste, but some people like that style. I believe there are certain parts that you could narrow down and word differently for the sake of the rythm of the poem. Also watch for repetition... I like the message that this speaks. It shows that you're strong, and that's good. It's very true, as well. It seems as if all adults place teens in some giant barrell of adolscent trouble makers. They need to realiz...
This was a happy bubbly little poem. The whole texture and rhythm of it was a bit cliche, but I still enjoyed it. It sort of bugged me that the last word of each pair of stanzas rhymed except the first two, though. Also if you could play with the words a bit and keep the beat of the poem more steady, that would improve it. A couple grammer things: "I love the you with me, And that you’re finally mine!" That first line doesn't make sense. "I love the way you kiss me, Your lips so soft & smooth...
I ended up liking this poem... the first line made me think "oh brother here it goes again, another cliche the darkness is in my soul poem" but it was definetly not that. You had some very good lines in here. I like how they sort of flowed in a rythmatic speak way as if you're just talking to me. I esspecially like the lines "smothering beauty with dirt", "He transcends from thoughts to mumbles, mumbles to whispers, whispers to small talk, and small talk to sirens" (this part is like a cresce...
Poetry / b
Very interesting. I like how you related beauty to nature in a few of the lines, sort of set a secret pattern within the poem. Just wondering, but did you mean to have this puncuation here? I touch the crisp beard that creeps out from your skin but it ***just, doesn’t, wrap, around, my fingers.*** Also, one misspelled word... Your pale frailty tells me nothing of stormy nights dancing under umprellas (should be um*B*rellas) in Manhattan. Those are the only things wrong I could find. This is a...
Favorites

Chocolate_Poetry has no favorites yet.

People