It comes off as very elementary because of the way it's rhymed and because of the language used. There are no words that stick out, everything seems pretty ordinary. I think it would also be hard to turn into a song because each line is so short, and it would probably come out pretty choppy in a song because of this. I'd spice this up, add more to it, and generally make it more advanced and not so elementary.

It's good, though the piece as a whole is pretty cliché. Many people have taken this route before when writing songs, so this wouldn't really stand out amongst other work. It also is somewhat simple, but I don't feel that's necessarily a knock on your work, it all just depends on what you're going for. Also, I'd stay away from rhyming with the same words. the pain just will not fade away! I can’t blow the thought of you away! I’ve gon astray, because of you. Go away! This doesn't work well in...

Firstly, abyss. Secondly, very, very general and very, very simple. You don't really say anything that hasn't been said a million times over already. You should spice it up with some better language since most of your words are pretty basic. It also seems like the song is repeating the same thing over, "I feel so..." I'm not really sure where you should go from here. It's pretty bare right now. Add to it, make it more detailed, really try and describe your emotions rather than just being open...

The idea of the song is good, and it flows well. For 15, this is well written. I guess my only criticism is that it's not the most descript piece of writing ever, but that isn't necessarily a negative. If you're not going for an intricate and detailed piece, this is good; especially for someone 15. I can see you turning this into a pretty good song, maybe not my taste, but something that could end up on the radio. Good work.

You start off very cliché. Lines such as 'I can't get you outta my head' have been used in an infinite amount of songs. Also, the rhyming scheme is very elementary, and almost seems forced in parts. For example, the very first stanza, where you put 'oh well' to rhyme with the 'living hell.' The man seems very passionate about hating something, and 'oh well' just doesn't seem to fit the situation. Also, a song doesn't have to rhyme 1,2,1,2-1,2,1,2-1,2,1,2, and can be different. You changed it ...

I really like this. It flows very well, and there really isn't a thing that I would change. I was going to mention the 'fumble spectrum' and possibly hint that it doesn't flow, but the more I read it, the more it seems to fit. I especially like the 'voices' bit before the chorus, it fits well and really adds a lot to the song. I also love the 'Curiosity had killed the cat, drove this white rat to madness' line. It's almost as if you're saying something cliché, but for the first time. This may...

How do you plan to sing this as a song, because when the lines are a single word, it throws me off a little. I do like the idea of this, and it's a unique way to be written.

I very much like the imagery, but I personally have always been one for poetry that has more of a flow and rhythm to it. Great work nonetheless though.

I love the way you start, almost as if speaking to an old friend that you care dearly for. It immediately catches my attention because it's something important to you because you're speaking to someone you care for. I really love the next part; "nutmeg forests" and "emerald fields" is very descriptive and fits very well into what is being written. I also love the "yellow suns" and "purple dawns," these kind of descriptive lines really paint a picture for the reader/listener, and they're not c...

This is the first time I've read any flash fiction, and I enjoyed it. Now I'm curious, was he (you) aware of the fact that she was expecting a ring? I'm assuming so, but does that speak of her character or his? Is she too hasty, or is he just not interested that deeply? I'm not sure what you're going to take this as, but thank you regardless for the read.