OK, you caught my interest, but then shut it off! Where's the rest? One thing that's hard to follow sometimes is the dialog. Who's saying what? I only figured out that Marissa said, "So who's the lucky guy, sis?" from context. Perhaps that's what you wanted. "And he had awoken..." should either be, "And he awoke..." or "And he had awaken...". Damned English, I know. That's my only critique on style. As far as content goes, I don't think I buy the intensity of Marissa's rage. She stopped havin...

The text seems to move from poetry to prose, and I don't know that I can tell you the difference. Does breaking what would otherwise clearly be prose into short lines make text poetry? This seems like a blog. First three lines, poetry. You are using restatement well, uncertainty - want to know. Line 3 gives background. works OK. Next three lines, prose. Uncertainty killing me... impatience killing me... Too strong a metaphor to reuse. Lines 7-9, poetry. little joy - wee child, again, idea res...

I like this! It was slow starting, but I did get into it. Somehow I believe it would have been better if you had not pushed the metaphor too much at the start. That would have helped me get into the work earlier. Had I not been reviewing the piece, I probably wouldn't have gotten past the first stanza. I'm glad I did, though.

I can understand the "Subject to Change" part of the title. I'll hit content first, then technique. Hank's at his aunt's house right before he heads to Sioux City to join the Navy. That leads me to think that Aunt Mary lives closer to the city than his parents; which would explain why he's there instead of home. If his home isn't far from his Aunt's then Mary wouldn't write Hank's mother, she'd go see her. Evidently, Hank and Pete hadn't been to the city before, unless I missed that point. Ho...

To tell you the truth, this is all pretty good. The only problems I see are with punctuation. This threw me and I had to read it several times in order to understand what you are saying. "I did learn, and like many oppressed minorities, mostly resentment just simmered, though there were times when it came out sideways, moments of rebellion or disobedience, until there was enough strength, or desperation, to finally make a stand." Far too many phrases strung together to create a sentence. You ...

I think you mean "Singly" instead of "Signally". Based on that, I'll continue. A hint for when to break up your verse: Thoughts. Ideas. Lists. How about this: God creates every human being in unique features and personalities. Why must His creation scorn others? Why? It's a first shot, but perhaps it will help. What do the sentences about asking questions have to do with being singly created? Perhaps you meant "Singularly" - as in uniquely. Nevertheless, I still don't understand where the que...

Funny... The explanation is longer than the text. You should have let the text stand alone with no explanation whatsoever. It works quite well.

Minor(?) point: Mind gone.. no trace.. not a sound you make... How then does the object of the text speak? (if there is no sound) May I suggest: You stumble, blindly grasping words, I like the wordplay of: Stolen words..fits and starts of ire and fire by lovers and liars Overall, I like the way most of the words and phrases fit together from a purely aesthetic sense, but when I look for some deeper meaning to the text, it comes up short. It seems that you are scolding some particular person, ...

Although I like some of your metaphors, this reads to me much like: "On one day in the middle of the night "Two dead boys came out to fight..." I can understand the use of opposing metaphors when they ultimately illuminate the subject or feeling, but this just wasn't clear. To make sure it wasn't my mood or lack of concentration, I slowed down and read it over more deliberately. Some things were a little clearer, but others not clear at all. "... watching this open sore blossom." followed by ...