as she emerge / emerges --For the first sentence you could just lop off the opening "Her" and it could read, "Powdery wings unfold as she emerges" Then "emerging" is used in the second line. It's a great word though I think using it twice in the same context detracts a great deal. "perfectly sculpted wings." doesn't make sense to me. Talking about abs, or anything else that has a kind of interior structure to it would make more sense to me. Not wings though . . . With respect, I'd highly sugg...

Overall pretty good. With respect I'd alter the first two lines a bit, "Love is a lick and a run of luck – Runs hot, runs cold, love runs amuck." For me, L4 doesn't really complement the poem even in the figurative sense. I mean, I could kind of see the parallels to love in the other lines, though not here. I'm twisted on how I feel about the ending. It definitely smacks the reader in a weird way and explodes with complexity in the shadow of what's previously been straightforward and easy to ...

As for your question in the Notes for Reviewer, I think _Title Pending_. is infinitely more appealing than "Untitled". Seriously. But wouldn't it be cool to at least take a stab at a title for it? _Sword Strokes and Pen Play_ is the first thing that came to my mind. Moving on . . . There are three things the narrator mentions that really stick out to me in the poem: Demons/creatures, negative emotions, and the sauce/booze. It seems that if someone dropped this poem off a twelve story balcony,...

Ah, this is good. It readily conveys the emotion of regret and past mistakes while at the end it takes a sharp upswing where the narrator feels empowered and chooses to attempt closure by pouring the negativity into a poem. Nice. Some things that stuck out at me: To me, the word "alleviate" doesn't fit the context in which it's used. It's like saying "comfort" or "ease the pain" when it's really narrator that needs comforting, not the sin. "...my drunken teenage lust..." This particular stanz...

I liked the opening with the impeccable/impermeable plan. But then . . . divine saliva? Considering the 4th stanza about "running on smoke through glass creations", perhaps you could change saliva to sativa. I think "inseparable attached like dislocated limbs" is odd. I kept trying to visualize an image, or a meaning, but nothing came up. before the puns revealed. / pun's A suggestion, "Her uncovered offenses lay strewn" The last stanza I thought was the best. For me, it's the standout point ...

The verb tense jumping isn't a big deal--I don't think I would've even noticed had it not been mentioned in the Notes for Reviewer. So . . . Very cool poem in the sort of transcendental/ metaphysical vein. The opening stanza is great because the streets sort of act as a dual metaphor to explain the creative process. Here it's not clear if they are actual roads, lines on a page, or both, but I think the vagueness works here because it gives the reader's imagination room to move around in. The ...

In a situation where most people would screaming for their lives, the narrator offers the feeling of "...butterflies and boulders...abdomen...weightless and ready..." analogous to a schoolkid who's about to hand off a valentine's day card to their first crush. This strangeness complements the dream scenario introduced in the first line. Maybe the "I was" in L5 could be taken out--"Butterflies and boulders swarmed in my abdomen weightless and ready". The contrast of weight between the two and ...

This is a tightly written and well crafted poem. What really stuck out at me in the first stanza was the excellent placement of words. "...leaves drop slowly down..." rings much better than "...leaves slowly drop..." same goes for "...amber streetlamp's..." as opposed to "steetlamp's amber glow..." The nuance is very effective. I like the alliteration (just to name one of a few) that begins the fourth stanza. "Orchestral" is a great word. The personification of water I think really works. "su...

"...held this heart in check." --The "in check" rings a bit too colloquial to me in contrast with the rest of the poem. I like the 'lonely but not alone.' because the phrase really sums up the poem's beginning. It appears the narrator is a recluse resigned to live alone in the isolation of their own "house" until another knocks at the door and is welcomed in. The two take a dip in the pool which seems to be a metaphorical construction for love, or being in love. The story deals well with this...

This paints a picture of a children's toy that was lost behind the 'fridge. Was it thrown out of anger? Maybe just tossed and forgotten about? Did it come to that place because of the parent or the child? Will the kitchen burn down as a result? I guess it really depends on who's reading it. It's a quick story that sounds whimsical (and almost kind of sweet) on the outside. As for the bigger picture, it comments on carelessness and family issues. No criticisms. I liked it. -Curt