Great character names. Immediately I thought of one of America's most iconic characters: Huckleberry Finn. I'm extremely limited in my knowledge of farming terms. I'd never heard "windrows" before and thought the author meant "windows". Upon second sight of the word, I wised up and subsequently search engined it. Not sure if "spires" works as it relates to her hair/pigtails. Perhaps cords? Liked the phrase "chunk and punch" because of it's auditory awareness--a very intelligent "spell" to sum...

This is a great story that resonates with a lot of emotion. The reader questions the significance of the title throughout the story until the very end--it also adds suspense because of the word play on "in sickness and in heath". As I read through, the title made me believe something tragic would happen at the end. I turned out to be nicely surprising. If the mood struck you: Consider starting off the story with the narrator having a conversation with the pastor over the phone, even if it rem...

The beginning isn't just sufficiently creepy, but . . .chilling The surreal element and wordplay at work here takes the reader into that awful feeling of being in two places at once that is so identifiable of coming out of a nightmare. _Oh shit_! _I can't believe I crashed my car_! _Wait_ . . . _it was just a dream_. "...a down payment on a second Chevette."--Says volumes about Carl's character and his financial situation. "...on their mutual love for Woodstock, Snoopy’s pet yellow bird..." U...

Good to see this revised up and awaiting drippy review. "hard-shirted"--I think of the rough fabric used by miners and/or railroad men. Unless this is an allusion to the amount starch used by yuppies to keep their oxfords wrinkle-free. Along the same lines, "model village" could use some beefing up. Some descriptors that come to mind: master-planned community, coastal-beach cocoon, New Urbanism . . . _Seaside, FL_. "...experienced weavers."--Experienced seems superfluous to me if they're alre...

This chunk reads pretty clean so for my critique I'm tossing caution to the seven winds and presenting my own stylistic offerings. Consider at your own risk. The first paragraph is a string of rather long sentences. Could break them up by "She was caring for my sister. My parents..." And for the last sentence: "He later told my...at the time, sat in a high chair clapping happily."--This removes the "would" and "had", though the latter might have sounded better originally. Maybe. For the "cowl...

H- Amazing drabble for my perfectly soaked and unexpectedly drenched day. Allows us to fill in the beginning and the ending. It's a middle man of sorts and gives the reader a canvas for which to paint their own experiences/interprative meanings. Like it. The story itself is brimming with sexuality. Perhaps find a way to delete a word and insert, "My _pink_ (or _red_) scarf!" as those words will color the reader's mind. Lines 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6 are what make the story really move--captures the w...

Give us action first--"Prodding her lashes back into place with an HB pencil, the assistant at the Clinique counter took two steps..." A suggestion, "...Sellotape. She had to be careful."--vary those sentence lengths. "She had..." the short sentence creates a theme and suspense. "peeled orange and unskinned banana"--fruitastically funny. Good enough to bruise peach-flavored cynicism. Suggestion, "I’ll take the basic hooker/tramp/trollop red, please." “Damn it love, / "Damn it, love. I have......

S- Loves me some drabble kink. Perhaps give the minister a name? "The Minister" / "Minster Tie/Roper/Knotter/or that of any Republican politician well known for their outspoken views on "deviant" lifestyles i.e. Craig. an idea; mixers! / idea: mixers! "...rope in new members."--sweet enough to make my teeth hurt. Kudos. Consider: "Submitting to this divine inspiration, he..."--saves two words. And "...proud of the bold..."--loses the repetiton of dominating. You've already got _rope in_ and _...

Informational and fun to read too. Excellent. The first few sentences sidetracked my thinking instead of pulling me attention into the story. My thoughts after S1: "Really? Do they have to be? I have a really good Alton Brown recipe for those that I've been itching to try." and then after S2: "I'm pretty sure they do."--as I turn my eyes from the story to recollect my last visit to the grocery/convenience store. Distracting. So . . . For a first sentence I'd suggest, "_When_ you're heading fo...

With respect . . . Per reviewer's notes: _Firstly_, please don't apologize--"I wrote this in a rush. It is horribly put together and It is something I really wish to develop. This is the first draft. I hope to add more “acts” to it, as soon as I can figure them out."--for the way the story came out. _It colors an otherwise objective reviewer's mind that this is going to be a busted-out tale_. _Secondly_, the formatting is right on. You took the time, and congrats. I only get "credited" for a ...