DREAD88's profile

I think this is probably the most well written story I've reviewed yet on urbis. Normally my reviews are ridiculously wrong but i found nothing grammatically wrong. I do think that if I had read the other chapters, what was being said would make more sense. However, the dialogue here still lags on longer than I feel it should have. The dialogue itself flows well and is completely natural and believable, but nonetheless, a little convoluted at least for me and a little drawn out. Good stuff th...

The title makes little sense in English. If you are writing to an English audience, I suggest changing it. i'm not sure if you want help on your grammar or know what you need to do, but as far as English goes, you sound like you could make a conversation with someone. However you have a large number of errors. I could barely make sense of your first sentence, which is ridiculously long. You will need some punctuation in there. Here is a more fluid way of saying what you have said above... ===...

This felt like a conversation set piece that was part of a greater story. I am not feeling this as a stand alone short story. The main reason is that it is, for lack of a better term preachy. Not that it forces things on people, but seems like a vessel from which you can convey your opinion to the reader. Not only that, but there feels like there is no plot whatsoever. It is just a basic almost-everyday conversation. I half expected a surprise at the end where it would turn out they weren't a...

When she found out, they better hope she was merciful. =================================== Maybe "pray for mercy" would be more appropriate? I feel like this line as is pace slowing. Pg.1 paragraph about suspecting O'Doul- I would say "...had her suspicions. She had a hunch that one of them had been..." Also what does the name O'Doul have to do with him being a target? Is it because it is Irish? They are in Ireland right? So most be have Irish names. How does this single him out? I hope that ...

She and I are two complete different people ====================== Completely* ‘organic rocks’ lecture ============================ Maybe "Organic superiority. I had to stop and think first. Organic rocks? Well, how are many rocks organic? It didn't take me long to realize you meant rocks as in rules, but consider another word there. Trec realized he didn’t actually receive a yes or no answer. He believed this guy was too dedicated to his cause. Dedicated enough to kill. =====================...