DaeraDawn's profile

DaeraDawn avatar
AGE: 21
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 25

im 18 in college, and have been writing (and singing) as long as i can remember. I joined this place, because the people i show my work to IRL are always so ‘nice’ and complementary, and i rarely get any comments on how to get better, except when something truly sucks and they have no idea what im talking about at all. but in any case, im glad to find that here people are blunt. even if it hurts sometimes, i get to understand how to make myself better.

i dont use capitalization most of the time, or punctuation, esp. apostrophes. ‘id’s and ‘ill’s and the like should be taken in context, im not likely talking about the selfish part of the human psyche when i say id.. im saying ‘i would’ or ‘i did’. its not that hard to figure out contra…

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Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Haiku/Senryu / II (midnight blessing)
Version 1
13 Reviews   2 Comments
wake to loud thunder lightning flashes, rain pours down, fury of the storm
Ratings & Rankings
Quotes / why
Version 1
15 Reviews   4 Comments
cause im random and inspired... but mostly just random.
Ratings & Rankings
Poetry / 03/13/2006
Version 1
2 Reviews   1 Comment
past simple explaining at the place where people give up, and dreams die, and sleep should last forever but nothing ever works the way it should. the time when minutes stretch into hours as the days wear slowly by and nothings wrong, but nothings right, as you sit through the sunlight waiting for the quiet dark of night. and you wait out those sleepless silences looking towards the dawns desire and nothings ever as it should be. at the place of pointless wandering and stray thoughts aimed tow...
Ratings & Rankings
Poetry / 03/18/2006
Version 1
1 Review   1 Comment
my first waking thought is of you (dont let it be) i cant remember the last time anyone made me this happy (whatever gods are out there, please) overcome by my wanderlust but you still my feet i always end up wanting more than what - or who - i have can give me i want to be wild and unbound and free but when im with you i find myself calmed dont have to keep looking i dont want to leave I probably sound all soft, and emotional, attached... (i dont want it to be) well i am. it would be so easy...
Ratings & Rankings
Poetry / If I Fell…
Version 1
10 Reviews   0 Comments
If I fell too far, Would you catch me? Would you hold me in your arms And make me strong again? If I lost myself, Would you help find me? Would you keep me in your comfort And make me breathe again? This is not seeking redemption This is not even a question This is nothing But my own pent-up Emotions tossed aside If I hurt myself Would you see my scars? Would you kiss away the blood and tears And make me feel again? This is not my desperation This is not my consolation This is only What I see...
Ratings & Rankings
Reviews
Novel Treatments / Betrayal
this is the kind of story that seems to get told many times these days. It is also the kind of story that i like a lot, so have read many simliar ones. what i like about yours: you inject a good bit of humor into it. you make it feel bright and hot like the city it should be, instead of having the secrecy so heavy that it feels dark. And you do an excellent job keeping his thoughts down so that things keep happening even as he thinks. and you do a good job keeping him in character, intelleige...
Poetry / Alone
its sweet, but too short i think. it is like it could be the last stanza of a greater work. work on it, i think itll be much better with some more there.
i like this version a lot better than the other one. it makes more sense and reads better. one question is, why is Mike there beating on Kyle? is he just a friend of the parents or is he a relative or what? its probably not important to the overall story, but i was wondering that a lot while reading this.
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ive jumped in the middle here, but i still seem to be able to get a grasp of whats been going on. thats well written and makes me curious to read the before and what come next. good job. but i do think its kind of short for an entire chapter. its more just a single scene than a whole chapter.
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after the first paragraph or so, where the language seems a bit forced to me, i got sucked in. at a couple of points throughtout it also seemed like you were forcing things, sentecnes went on too long and too many details were thrown in all at once. id just got through and re read it yourself, see if theres places you can see that could be made to flow more smoothly. it was a good read, and im hoping to find further chapters on here.