Daney's profile

Daney avatar
AGE: 18
LOC: Columbia, SC
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: March 16

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Items
Novel Treatments / The Gems: The Chosen Ones
Version 3
8 Reviews   1 Comment
Prologue A young girl with fiery red hair and brown eyes sat in the wooden swing set her father built for her the previous year, before his death. She was waiting for her best friend, a boy who was two years older than she was. She was not in the least bit surprised that he was late, he always was. She began pumping her legs back and forth, lifting the swing. But why did he have to be late today? They were supposed to be going across the lake into the forest to pick strawberries and if he d...
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Novel Treatments / Betrothed
Version 2
27 Reviews   0 Comments
Prologue Twenty-year-old Joanne Harper stared at herself in the mirror. Today was her wedding day and she could not be more miserable. Not only was she marrying a man that she couldn’t stand, she was also five months pregnant with his child. She pushed a blonde lock behind her ear before placing her hands on her rounded belly. “I might as well be marrying the devil himself.” “You don’t have to go through with this, you know,” Janice Lastrange, her best friend, told her as she fixed Joanne’s v...
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Flash Fiction / Running
This is really well written. Your imagery and description are really good. I could practically see everything that was happening. I couldn't find anything to critique. Your grammar is great and so are your imagery and descriptions, like I've already said. Thanks for the good read! Daney :)
Short Story / Wired: Part 1
"I've always known I've been different"....this sounds weird to me. maybe try: "I've always known I was differnt" "So my mother moved my to a new school"...."my" should be "me" "Which meant that I might have a shot at friends"....this isn't a complete sentence. maybe try to connect it to the sentence before it in some way. This is a really good start. It seems like an interesting story and I would love to read more of it. Aside from what I have posted above, I could find nothing wrong with th...
Young Adult / Twisted: Chapter 1
Your grammar is really good and I love the images and descriptions you put into the readers minds. Your characters are believable and likeable (or hateable). This is a really good story. I love how you went from the dramas of high school to a murder mystery. The plot is interesting and I was actually sad when it was over. I can't wait to read more.
"halt in front of the Bridgewood Apartments"...if that is the name of the apartment complex, you don't need "the" "a crimson runway through the halls"...this is really good imagery. i love it “Oh, no problem Father,” John....there should be a period instead of a comma after "Father" since John shifting his feet has nothing to do with what he said. "John hadn’t ever bothered trying;"....this sounds weird to me. maybe try something like: "John had never bothered trying" or something like that. ...
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