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Dannyboy's profile
AGE:
19
LOC: Cleveland, OH
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: December 19
LOC: Cleveland, OH
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: December 19
Hello to all my readers. I would like to thank you for taking the time out of your day to read my work. I enjoy hearing what real people think of my work. I know mom’s comments and criticisms aren’t the best; probably because they’re always about how great the story was and that she’s so proud that i’m her son.
Anyway, a little bit about me, I am a teenager, I go by the name of Daniel or Dan. If you really know me, then you know that I just lied. I have about 25 nicknames and such. But to the general public, i am known as Daniel McHue. I have brown hair which is always curly (nobody knows where i got that from- my whole family from grandparents down have straight hair.) and i get complimented on my eyes very much. They are a…
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I lie flat on my back, knees curled up into my chest, as I watch the clouds overhead. Everything is moving around me but I seem to be stuck in that moment. I closed my eyes for a second and took a deep breath in. Slow. . . and. . . easy. The smell of the wild flowers around me and the sweet, crisp scent of the lake below. I felt a warm touch on my chest. Meghan lay her head on my chest. "I can hear your heart beating." she said softly, childlike in a sense of awe. I could feel the warmth of h...
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Step. . . one. . . two. . . spin. . . kick! Step. . . spin. . . and land it in a pose. "You're up Kenji!" I shouted over the loud music playing. Kenji and I were in a dance off-I had him beat no problem. Kenji went into a version of the robot. "Is that all you gott'o Mr. Roboto?" I laughed. I was off to new people. I made my way down the aisle of tan chairs aligned into rows of nine chairs. In the second row I found my bag. I went to get my pen and paper to write when a chill ran up my neck. ...
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The wind was now coming up from the alley... the snow falls softly to the ground. The shadows dance to a moonless sky. The stars shine and light the darkened alley where the man sits. He is curled up near a barrel filled with garbage that was set aflame. The man is holding a bracelet in his hands... gold... with embroidery on the link closest to the face. He holds it close to his cheek. He is attached to it in some way. The man whispers to the bracelet, " You're all that I have left now..." H...
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Fire Engine 5: Dreaming of Fire 15 YEARS AGO... The sky was blue and the golden sunshine made the children of Water Crest Elementary School squint to see. Recess had begun fifteen minutes ago. Most of the children were playing kickball or on the jungle gym. Two boys and a girl held a jump rope near a corner of the building away from everyone else. The first boy was Archie. He had red hair and light green eyes. He was known for his wits and brainy ideas. The next boy was his brother, Garret. H...
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Daniel McHue- "Moving Mountains" 1-27-06 Part 1 (read it only if u have time to sit down and enjoy a good laugh) All my life I was told that no matter how bad things got, there was always good... right around the corner. Mama used to tell me that even though I ain't have a daddy to look after me an' all, that my Mama could raise me up fine as any man ever could. Lord knows she means it. Sometimes I wonder just how it'd be, having a daddy and all. But I never let it get me down. See cause I ha...
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well, i will not go too far into criticism, only because i found myself loving your "chorus" atleast i thought it was a chorus sort of part. I just have one suggestion, and that is that in your first stanza, you stick to the AA BB CC DD rhyme pattern. Other than that, try to find a little bit of a routine with your rhyme scheme. On the positive note, I enjoyed it. Was it based on the feeling of uncertainty, say that of a person who likes someone else, and has a hard time, letting go after the...
even though i found this to be a little amusing... with all the great fun of reading another country's take on the english language... i couldn't help but think that the story was almost forced after the paragraph where the newspaper article was written. up until that point i was engaged, then it seemed like a cheesy sci fi movie... where i pretty much thought that it was going to end the same, but half way towards the end of the lead up to the end, where the teacher calls out chris, i though...
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if there were anything wrong with this story...it would have to be the ending... even though the very last line--"the flame licked the edge of the photograph--" that was a good ending... nicely done... maybe consider reworking your ending... other than that... good job--Dannyboy--
i found this piece to be a mixture of both good humor and some innappropriate not so great jokes. but the majority was good jokes. if you could say one thing that was quite great about your gweg and satyr stories, it's how they all end. with a joke that completely refers back to the beginning. i've really imagined these stories as maybe being a comic book series. i hope that i can read some more of these crazy stories that keep me laughing til the end.
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