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DariaRose's profile
AGE:
46
LOC: Chicago, IL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 23
LOC: Chicago, IL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 23
Just another accidental encumbrance on the planet.
Items
Version 1
3 Reviews
1 Comment
there's a poem up there perched on the catenary singing her little heart out. but i lack the vocabulary to replicate her birdsong, convey the texture of her feathers, manifest the cadence of her rapid fire heart. i cannot divine these out of bleached pulp and indelible ink. i lack the vocabulary to manifest from my hollow chest my own song, much less hers. so i watch . . . as she rocks her stubby tail, raises her throat to the wind, tosses her calls and trills clicks and whistles. she has an ...
Version 2
2 Reviews
1 Comment
Before your springtime comes I’m going to plow your fields Before your winter ends I’ll plant deep, deep down In your frozen ground All my feelings for you I’ll rain on you Cover you warm In tears Of your own longing And when the seasons turn you’ll have no choice But grow my love for you No choice but harvest all I give When your springtime comes I’ll sew my love Deep down inside you Before you even know Your winter’s gone Before the dawn When light reveals I’m the one By your side Your hand...
Version 1
3 Reviews
6 Comments
Before your springtime comes I'm going to plow your fields Before your winter ends I'll plant deep, deep down In your frozen ground All my feelings for you And when the seasons turn you'll have no choice But grow my love for you No choice but harvest all I give I'll rain on you Warm Tears of heaven I'll cover you When your springtime comes I'll sew my love Deep down inside you Before you even know Your winter's gone Before the dawn When light reveals I'm the one By your side Your hand in mine...
Version 1
7 Reviews
1 Comment
chicago dark night against the red brick of my father’s house under canopy of grape large leaves backlit green by window spilt incandescence tendrils spiraling the lilting summer breeze curling your fingers in my hair your forehead pressed to mine hands slipping to my hips tenderly you say, “no, no, no” as I spin to cocoon into your body’s waning moon a concave lens focaling the gibbous of my want
Version 1
6 Reviews
7 Comments
distracted by drudgery they sneak within. silent burrowing gnawing my concentration to holes. they seek the buried deep thoughts unarmed and emptyhanded and chew chew their way inside wear the outsides as disguise slip into the sleeves their desires push out on the strength of suppression. flex their newfound fingers and toes rockclimb up my wishingwell walls emerge in the badlands of conscience. skulking forward inch by inch by fistfuls of memory squeezing ‘til they burst a shower of gypsum ...
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Reviews
I like this piece a lot, but the second half is stronger, I think, than the first. Your use of punctuation is unpredictable. Sometimes you use a period to end a thought, and sometimes you don't, so it is a little confusing. I would suggest full punctuation for this piece. I do not at all understand the lines ” secreted in the worldly / facade that both sexes envy." You adeptly capture a frustrating relationship, where clearly the person speaking has been held emotionally hostage and manipulat...
The rhyming scheme in this poem actually seems to work against the message of it. You use your metaphor quite nicely, and create wonderful rushing movement, with a feeling of spinning out of control, but swept up at the same time. But the rhyme seems a bit forced, and makes the reader hesitate, exactly opposite the effect of the kind of flow that the image/metaphor intends. Kind of like putting a curving, crawling snake into the confines of a drinking straw, or a cast. What about chucking the...
Rhyme scheme is a difficult thing to accomplish smoothly and make it seem effortless. I enjoy the message of the poem, and I think you have a good start, but it feels more like it is still in draft form. The rhythm you set you in S1 & 2 falls apart in S3. The poem overall is riddled with typos: extra spaces, inconsistent capitalization, inconsistent punctuation, "u" instead of "you," "thru" instead of "through," etc. Also, I would consider shortening it a bit, as it is a bit repititous (perfe...
It fits the standard 5-7-5, and nicely folds in nature to the theme, but the word 'like' should be avoided 'like the plague.' Almost there!
I had to chuckle. I've mocked many a pity poem (to myself, of course -- I try to be supportive to anyone who writes even if it is of the "woe is me" variety). It never occurred to me I would get mocked back, even to the point of mocking my mother! Ha! Great line, that. Absolutely loved the renaissance resonance of your imagery in S1; terrific contrast to S3, which is raw, crude, modern and lovely. what fabulous disdain you express by expressing others' disdain. You are young, but your talent ...
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