I like your random style, it works well for the poem. Try useing some punctuation to emphasize the emotion in the peice and to give the reader the queue the sentence is over. Other than that nice work.

The new ending is by far better. It keeps the flow of the poem alive. I think you should keeps this in it though: "that reflects perfectly our love." I like that line and with your other changes it would sit there smoothly.

HAHA! Stick it to the man! Beautiful poem. It's quite inspirational. Very eloquently put. "we were no longer those people those Negroes but the voices that silenced the great walls of Harvard and all the racists’ tongues who had nothing to say for one night. For one night in thirty five 1935 we mattered." That being my favorite part. It's amazing what people can do in the face of adversity.

The emotion is presented well in this poem. I can only tell what I would do to make it better. "I’m ripping myself to pieces I’m falling apart from the inside out I can’t escape that beating sound that emanates from the inside of me How many more must I endure?" I would say lose the first line and merge the final three. A couple other spot like that. Just a little bit of stuctureal revision. "All the things that make me wrong And there are times when I feel all wrong" It's my personal belief ...

I know the feeling. I too have fallen in love with some from a far. It's amazing how much the body gets in the way of getting to know someone and little in matters, until the disire for warmth arises.

I feel like I'm trying to write it for you but, they are you words I just arranged them. A combination of both endings seemed to fit. Their bodies bounced, smashed right back down, the footpegs found again, then bounced up, then down again; their feet dug into the foot pegs … as they turned from paved road to neglected wooded-trails. Her arms locked around him; breath frozen in mid-air, and yet, she heard her voice scream: “Don’t stop … Don’t stop … Don’t stop ... Not now … Not ever!” I am n...

I dig it. Something seems to be missing in the middle though. Maybe add something like "As we become one" or "As we fuel the fire". Then in line 4 remove the "and".

Just getting interesting when you ended it. Good description though a couple times you seemed to ramble when talking about Mrs. Vargas. I would suggest revising your punctuation overall, the grammar for the narrator. I would like to see you use a bit more humor like part with the coke-bottled glasses. Any ideas as to where you want to go with the story?

Down to line 35 I dig nice flow. Once you switched to starring out the window the poem seemed to pick up a different meter. I would suggest either reworking that part, making it into a second stanza or a combination or the two. Nice Work.