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Darragh_C's profile
AGE:
20
LOC: Ireland
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 05
LOC: Ireland
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 05
I’m a seventeen year old living in Ireland. Basically, like all teenagers, i’m just trying to understand the world around me. Unlike other teenagers, i like to be myself.
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Version 2
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And if, we fall, tonight, Would you hold me, help me survive, Cos I cant live alone, tonight. I'm in above my head, Im turning round to face you, Im feeling that I miss you, And everything you ever said is crashing round inside my head and everything you ever did is turning me around and I start to think I start to breathe I cant live alone tonight, If we fall tonight, If I can never make it right, will you miss me tomorrow, I miss you tonight, And we're changing so damn fast, we're turning i...
Version 1
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on weekends we go sliding, into a world of aspartame, where sunshine reeks of broken dreams, pure as the sea, drag my past up to the surface, so you can swim underneath, search for all the innocence, that we released. Cigarettes, taste like fun, when your thirteen, Forget about who you thought you were, now your part of the scene, These sugared words, make you sweat, or was it her scent, Think about, what you said, and what it was you meant. Take these words right out of my mouth, and tell me...
Version 1
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Not very long ago, I was lying awake in bed, unable to sleep, as is often the case. I usually find taht is it at these times that i can think most clearly, perhaps because in the darkness and silence I feel isolated from the rest of the world, and all the rules it imposes on our thoughts and actions. This particular night, I remebered something I had heard earlier about scientists searching for a Unified Theory of Everything, a sort of final theory that would bring everything together, and in...
Version 2
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stare down the barrel of a political gun, the leader,the man with the silver tongue, tell us we fight for the greater good, but wash these streets with our blood, dont talk so loud they might hear, dont whisper, it shows your fear. come out of the cities into the sun, the eagle has landed, the race is run. The cold war is over, a new one begun, come out of the cities and into the sun. streetlights set the corners ablaze, the glint in the eye of a stanley blade, a spoon and a lighter on the to...
Version 1
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The castle, the last sign of the past, looms down over a dreary settlement, of moth-ball coats and hooded jumpers, There is no empty space in this town, every space is occupied, by an automobile, or an autograph, proclaiming undying love, spelt with a 4. Car horns and dog howls, these are the lullabies of the vacant. The empty heads, lying, in what could have been empty beds, The nights have not been silent, since the castle first stood. Tonight, the roars of the drunken, chase the vacant sil...
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First off, this is a very good poem. One small thing though, you may want to reword the first verse, as it is very similar to a song by The Talking Heads, called Once In A Lifetime. I really liked the imagery, especially the 'websites and person finders", as more than once i have found myself in that position. You managed, through your images, to create a rather fast moving, but still melancholic poem, which is a great thing to acheive. To pick out one part that really stood out Id have to sa...
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I like this. I love the way you kept it simple, you've managed to hold onto the the idea that this is just a thought stream going through someones head as they sit in the traffic. I'm glad that you didnt try and impose rhyme or structure on it, as this would take away from the essence of the poem. One suggestion i do have is that maybe if it was to be broken into verses it would help clarify what is happening, at the moment it seems a little intimidating, the whole poem as one entity.
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At first i thought that the aa bb rhyming scheme was a little forced, as in "others. . . brothers" or "prayer. . .beware". Then i noticed the subtle rhyming in the stand-alone lines "this is the steeple. . . No more people". Aside from that, i liked this, it has a lovely sense of mystery, i cant help but feel, upon reading this poem, that im missing something, you mention people being duped. I love that teasing aspect, as if theres something below the surface that you want the reader to find,...
I have to congratulate you on this, few people can write about topics like heartbreak and regret and keep the write so clear and centered. You manage to retain the focus while allowing the reader to add there own details to the image, perfect. And the imagery, 'hard as stone, cold as snow', beautiful. This is a thoroughly together and feeling laden poem, brilliant.
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