Dauna's profile

A very nice piece. I'd like to have seen a tad more detail as I've been spoiled with your other writings. I liked how you made the reader believe that this was a tale about a human family only for it to be elephants. The story is very heart warming and I enjoyed it. By the way excellent photo.

You were able to achieve a place that I could visualize easily. I could easily see the room where the largest part of the action took place. You created conflict not only between the two differect races but the characters as well. You can see that Betha-busa has an agenda and will make sure she achieves all that she wants. I have no doubt she'll become Queen. While the Watchman seemed impressive to me all ready this description -impressive in his royal purple robe, lined in golden discs.- mad...

While you have the potetial for a good start I did find myself getting lost early on. By the time Standley is on the stretcher I was able to make a little more sense ofwhat was happening. A dark-haired woman with violet eyes rimmed in insomniac red. - Very nice description. After reading all the way through I gather the Angel of death is the one that is initally talking. If it isn't her then I'm at a lost. I think with more develpoment this will make an excellent piece.

This would have a very limited audiance. I can't see how this would ever make it as a kids book due to the subject matter alone. Christmas is a magical holiday and I don't think parents would be reaching for this story to read to their kids. However, if you would e a little more indepth then you might be able to make it an adult humor based story. While I've never really thought about what Santa does I guess some of his actions could make him appear to be a pervert as you have written him. th...