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Daveoramma's profile
AGE:
38
LOC: El Segundo, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: May 26
LOC: El Segundo, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: May 26
Carbon-based life form.
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Version 1
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Mary Salazár sat in her own little world on the 3:13 train from Bernalillo and stared at a little red bump on her left hand. The darkened world outside rushed by unnoticed as she bathed in the no-nonsense glow of fluorescent light intensely inspecting the tiny blemish. The air in the cabin was a heady mixture of the lemony scent of antibiotics, Kim-chi and old feet and it made her head hurt a little. Looking up at the passenger across from herself she was greeted by the sight of a short, sen...
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Version 1
4 Reviews
0 Comments
MATT2072:MARCH23:0011010198438091020917: YEAH YEAH YEAH. THANKS TO MICHELLE FOR SETTING THIS STUPID FUCKING THING UP. WELCOME TO MY PERSONAL BLOG SPONSORED BY META-LABS.NET! FUCK YOU I’M GETTING PAID TWEETY BIRD! HI. MY NAME IS MATTHEW FREDERICK BACON. I HAVE A SPEECH PREPARED FOR PEOPLE THE FIRST TIME THEY WALK INTO MY PLACE OF BUSINESS. WOULD YOU LIKE TO HERE IT? OK. HERE GOES. HI. I’M MATT2072 BUT IN HERE I AM JESUS FUCKING H CHRIST HIMSELF. I AM ALL THINGS TO ALL SIMMERS AND I HAVE WHATEV...
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Version 1
7 Reviews
0 Comments
The March air had some bite to it. Maybe it was because it was 3 AM. Maybe it was because the desert night is always a harsh mistress. Maybe it was because this city always has it’s ways of sucking the marrow from your bones, one way or another. Those with functioning marrow got it the worst, but enough about urban biology. Agent Leviathan stood at street level and looked around, the Underground terminal gaping behind him like an existential maw ready to consume him at a moment’s notice. Not...
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I really like the narrative tone to this piece. It's very frank and honest in it's portrayal of the characters, and I find myself caring for them even this early in the story. Well done. The foreshadowing of the evil to be faced needs some work, however. At the very least it deserves a much better set-up. You careened from Algebra homework into a "Bloody Mary" experience (who hasn't done that as a kid?) then back way too quickly. You spent more time describing what was on the television than ...
I like how I get a distinct feeling that I know this person. But then again, he sounds like most of the people I hang out with. The only flaw I can see is that you mis-spelled "Humorous". Spell checkers are our friends. Kudos!
Good work, this is an excellent press release! You have done an excellent job of getting to the point quickly and capturing the spirit of the work, which I can presume is very complicated and thought provoking. The short bios at the end were well crafted and didn't suffer from excessive ammounts of padding or BS. Kudos!
I really like how you start at the desperate endgame then flashback to the beginning. It was extremely effective in setting the stage and an excellent set-up for a novel. Very well done. You also do an excellent job breathing life into the characters. I really enjoyed the narrator's frankness and observations. "Be it God, Satan, Fate, Karma, Ying Yang, or little green men…I don’t care." Heh. Plus, I'm always a sucker for Norse mythological references. Kudos!
Dude, that was fucked up. Seriously. I fancy myself a jaded person and THAT was fucked up. Well done. This is an amazing portrayal of a serial killer's psychology and motivations and I'm feeling a little chilled at the moment. Kudos!
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