DavidAlanDedin's profile

DavidAlanDedin avatar
AGE: 39
LOC: Aurora, IL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: March 29

I’m David.

I’m a partnered gay man, currently living in the western Chicago suburbs, in a remodeled Queen Anne with a wraparound porch, a ghost that plays with my cat, and a first-floor office with windows that overlook the local historic preservation district.

June will mark my 5-year anniversary with Barnes & Noble, and I’ve worked as a manager in three different stores, in two separate states.  

I’ve just completed my first novel, A POTENTIAL TO KILL, an edgy mystery disguised as a Preston/Child thriller, with a subject matter not for the faint of heart.

In 1980 Peoria, Illinois, a gay man is murdered in the old Beekman Place Hotel.  The event is both premeditated & vicious, and the killer has left behind two “u…

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Crime, Thrillers & Mystery / A Potential to Kill CHAPTER ONE
Version 1
7 Reviews   3 Comments
One The First Murder I hate being old. I hate waking up and farting as soon as I get out of bed in the morning, and I hate how puffy my face looks in the bathroom mirror, when I pick the crust from the corners of my eyes. I hate having to sometimes take the stairs one at a time when I first come down to the kitchen, and I hate when the sunrise catches my reflection in the living room TV just right, reminding me to stand up straight and stop slouching like an old woman. I really hate how my f...
Ratings & Rankings
Crime, Thrillers & Mystery / A Potential to Kill CHAPTER TWO
Version 4
0 Reviews   0 Comments
Two The Second Murder “They were the painted ladies of Roanoke Avenue, massive wooden mansions that had overlooked downtown Peoria from a tree-lined street near the upper part of the valley. They were the showplaces of another time, trophies of an industrial city’s success, four stories tall when you included their attics, as beautiful from the alley as they were from the street. In their day, they were spectacular; they had widow’s walks & wraparound porches, slate roofs & beveled glass win...
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Crime, Thrillers & Mystery / A Potential to Kill INTRODUCTION
Version 2
7 Reviews   0 Comments
Introduction The Night in Question I’m not one of those alcoholics who defends himself by saying “I can quit whenever I want to.” Let me make this perfectly clear: I have absolutely no desire to stop drinking. I know its bad for my health, but I’ve always been a functional drunk, on a much different level than the weepy, self-loathing victims at AA meetings. Drinking has not ruined my life, nor am I Nicholas Cage from “Leaving Las Vegas.” I’m at my best with a good whiskey buzz, and as far as...
Ratings & Rankings
Query Letter / A Potential to Kill QUERY
Version 1
9 Reviews   0 Comments
Dear URBIS readers: In 1980 Peoria, Illinois, a gay man is murdered in the old Beekman Place Hotel. The event is both premeditated & vicious, and the killer has left behind two “unexplainable” clues: Coca-Cola (circa 1903, made with cocaine instead of caffeine); and Mrs. Winslow’s Soothing Clove Cigarettes, a brand that hasn’t existed since 1897. Both clues are as fresh as if made today, but with no match to fingerprints, the case is never solved. Twenty-seven years later, Frankie Downs arriv...
Reviews
Short Story / Santa Brawl
REALLY "Bad Santa." Solid story, great pacing, fascinating inner dialogue. My only concern is the "death row" sentence; even with the circumstances, it seems too harsh/unbelievable. Would it be better to place the narrator in a serious tough-love rehab clinic? (One so strict, it seems like prison?) The narrator is very intelligent, and I can't help but think that he'd have found a way to survive/manipulate the trial in a way that allowed his life/addictions to continue. Yeah, the title needs ...
Novel Treatments / Compromise: Chapter 2
It's hard to establish a vivid mood/style (in a story) without losing the reader in mechanical description, but you've done an effective job. Empty bed, hollow armor, tile floor...all mentioned both briefly and at just the right times. The place feels "classy," and I like how it balances Dayna's stripping. Having not yet read C1, I'm wondering if Johnny is immortal; his surroundings have a "Highlander" feel, and his melancholy (and restrained outlook on life) play well against Zoe's maturity ...
Novel Treatments / Introduction
Great start! Strong opening sentence. It's hard to write anything "honest" about alcoholism, as most readers (myself included) don't want to be depressed by an abuser/victim's shellshocked life. (Even with quality stories, most of us read to escape.) But you did exactly the right thing-opened and closed with action related to a larger plot. Your opening/closing scenes act as effective tent-poles, holding up the narrator's backstory, and setting his mood for what is to come. (He is clearly old...
Fun! First off, let me just say that I'm a gay man myself, a 4.5 year Barnes & Noble employee, and a writer who knows first hand the need for quality gay themed fiction. Who is your target audience for this? Are you writing strictly for gay readers, or are you hoping to bridge the gap between gay fiction & traditional novels? If your audience is strictly gay, this might have a chance with a small independent publisher. If you want this to appeal to the mainstream, you need to tone it down big...
Novel Treatments / The Metatron
This is definitely the start to a solid novel. (It reads like a prologue.) It doesn't stand alone to me; something needs to follow. I love angel stories that explore the dark side of angelic existence; too many people think angels are like Hallmark Store figurines, and that is not the case. If I read this in a book, I would expect Chapter 1 to open into a modern mystery/adventure, with a down-to-earth style that would contrast to the prologue's eerie beginning. The man visiting the angel woul...
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