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Dawnblack's profile
AGE:
33
LOC: Auburn Hills, MI
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 13
LOC: Auburn Hills, MI
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 13
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Clytemnestra Chapter 1 “Drink this and rest now, Lady.” Maia said, placing a steaming wooden mug into the young Queen's hands before fussily adjusting the linen sheet that covered her. “That was hard work and you did beautifully. You just rest and don’t worry about anything.” “Where is my son?” Asked Clytemnestra, her voice hoarse from screaming. “He is here, Lady.” Said the nurse, moving quickly to the bedside with the little bundle and tilting it upward so the Queen could gaze at the puffy ...
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Version 2
4 Reviews
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Clytemnestra Chapter 1 “You just rest now, Lady.” Althea said smoothing the sheet around the body of the young Queen. “That was hard work and you did beautifully. You just rest and don’t worry about anything.” “Where is my son?” Asked Clytemnestra, her voice hoarse from screaming. “He is here, Lady.” Said the nurse, moving quickly to the bedside with the little bundle and tilting it upward so that she could gaze at the puffy red face of the newborn. “He’s beautiful, isn’t he? A right handsome...
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Version 1
6 Reviews
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"You just rest now, Lady." Said the midwife smoothing the sheet. "That was hard work and you did beautifully. You just rest and don't worry about anything." "Where is my son?" Asked Clytemnestra, her voice hoarse from screaming. "He is here, lady." Said the nurse, moving quickly to the bedside with the little bundle and tilting it upward so that she could gaze at the puffy red face of the newborn. "He's beautiful, isn't he? A right handsome little King." She made a funny face at him and she ...
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Having known several guitarists, being the wife of a jazz/rock/funk/gospel (depending on what band he's in that day) pianist, I find some of this offensive. Most of the guitarists I know are pretty awesome guys (it's the drummers and the lead singers you have to watch out for!) because guitarists know they're dispensable. But she's not me, is she? Yes, she's got alot of baggage. Should've married a pianist. Or maybe she shouldn't be so easy. But I guess she knows that she, and the groupies, b...
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Thanks for this. it is very helpful. I like that you gave us a reference. I have heard this reference before from one of my reviewers and have coming it on my next Amazon.com order. I recognize many of the issues on your list as things I might tend to do, and I'm also relieved to see that a bunch of those are my personal "pet peeves" and things I often mention on reviews for other people, which makes me feel good about the reviews I'm providing anyway. Proofing my own work is a chore for me a...
These little mini stories are great. Very interesting, funny and well told. I especially like the story about the fish in the water cooler. How funny is that? Anyway I would really love to hear a story in its entirety. There are some grammatical errors- mostly in punctuation. Here's an example: If you choose to date someone on The Boat, be warned. A good portion of the people that works there are: early 20’s, married or divorced, with two or more kids. The common deckhand response to this is ...
You've got a good premise here, but the phrases are a bit choppy and the grammer needs work in places. It starts to flow a bit better in the passionate bits, as if the energy is helping you warm up to your subject. A good editor is called for, but who doesn't need an editor? It's also a good idea sometimes to just get your ideas out and go back and clean them up later, which might be what you're doing here. Your characters have depth, that's good. The women seem to have more depth than the me...
This reads like the text of those spam ads people send you full of nonsense. Is that how you meant it? Or is this some art form I am ignorant of? It's really strange to me. I'm afraid I can't even begin to address the grammar issues.
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