Deadsage's profile

Deadsage avatar
AGE: 27
LOC: Springfield, MO
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 19

I write in many different styles and mediums, none professionally.  I write for my own enjoyment and for the thrill of sharing ideas, not because I have any aspirations.  I don’t like staying within the lines.  If I question you, don’t get uptight, I just have an insatiable curiousity about people and their ideas.

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Poetry / a memory
Version 1
3 Reviews   2 Comments
I am the shell left behind by your bullet, trying to define my own empty spaces. I am a cowardly victim in love with doubt. Silence hangs like a broken lamp. In a dim reflection, like a faded memory, you calmly took out my eyes. Tiny follicles strain to refuse your icy grasp on my arms. I feel cornered and isolated. Whispering, a message is lost. Cruelty, tonight like a distant train, makes a faint sound and vanishes. A broken light switch comes to mind, and a door knob that will not turn. In...
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Version 4
2 Reviews   4 Comments
A glassy coating covers my eyes and I cannot see through it. A cloud of thoughts, noises, people, fears, and shards of light engulfs me; it is too thick to swim through. Walls block out the light, walls block out the air. I cannot breathe. Will the walls come down? I fall asleep again, afraid of the moment when I wake up. Words cannot express how I feel anymore, so I resign myself to dream (I escape – we escape.) My fingers claw at the bed when I cannot sleep. There can be no better dr...
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Haiku/Senryu / 9/28/07
Version 3
7 Reviews   7 Comments
My soul, the birdhouse. Broken-winged angels reside. Healed, they fly away.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 4
8 Reviews   17 Comments
Pipes scale walls in empty apartments, said to be haunted by the spirits of people hung by rafters for sheer joy. The boredom within this instant could drive endless centuries of progressive thought, each ending with a red-cone-blinking-light and a sign. It solemnly reads, “Dead End.” Instead, a single device offers peace in place of fruitless thought. It waits patiently, with dead circuits, powerless. Suddenly, a light stretched forth for a million eons, and countless sub-dimens...
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Poetry / Stable
Version 3
0 Reviews   0 Comments
Marching toward stability as if it is the sea, sinking into soft waters, basking in the sun. Forgetting dangerous excitement lurking, just behind a sunset of memory. To swim against the tide seems effortless for a single pellet of gluttony, but running in place is unthinkable to steady the unrelenting comfort. Take down the flags, rename the universe. It is only a rose by another name. Same thorns, same nauseating aroma browning in uninspired acceptance.
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 Plus-button Clarity
Reviews
Poetry / warred salad
Excellent piece that reads at a break neck pace. My mind struggled a little to keep up only because of the placement of your line breaks. I suggest breaking and hyphenating when you are changing thoughts. I loved the quick bridges you had me leaping from one concept to another, and you did this very effectively throughout. To improve I would suggest staying on one general topic such as the war and the country and not straying so far into tangents which only scarcely apply. example:"relationsh...
I felt unclear whether you were supporting competition or speaking against it here. "Plastic grails" made the trophies seem trivial, but "potential paved" sounds like a promising future (though the potential could be good or bad.) I love the title, but I struggled to apply it to the content. You didn't reference what trade you are speaking about, though one could jump to the sports conclusion, the plastic grails and red-faced contender could be figurative, or for that matter you could be talk...
Poetry / Latex Abeyance
Removed
Removed
I like the new opening better. Good revision. “Stop…Stop, God damn it.” -should be an exclamation. "...!" This is reoccuring throughout the chapter. "It was quiet in the ER that morning." -I would use a word like "vacant" because with all the shouting going on, "quiet" contradicts what I've read so far. "It wasn’t hard to see them. Both did their level best to get a look at me. " -I realize "them" is the kid and the drunk, but it reads as the teeth from the previous sentence. "I had to protec...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
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ITEMS (5)

 

Journal, Diary, & Blogging / One of Many
Poetry / warred salad
Novel Treatments / Finale 1

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