I really feel that I am not qualified to properly review this piece, and because it is late, and because I have been emotionally drained as of late, I do not have the enthusiasm to rise up to this piece and deliver. But it is beautiful. And heartwrenching. I do hope it is your own, and if it is, I would be mighty perturbed if you do not write regularly. Your imagery, metaphor, and everything are just so well placed. The depressing state of the father is indeed stirring, and his conviction, "y...

A good poem. Strong, good metaphors, lots of alluding to Socrates and the classics earn marks from me (yay for Prometheus and that whole bit). I have found very little to critique, other than your capitalizing every new line. Your flow is very important, and otherwise would be very good, but reading this poem "properly" is difficult because with every line that is capitalized our inclination is to pause, slightly, with our reading. Many of the lines can be lower - cased and it would help. "Wh...

First line: I'm confused now. I believe that the past is being illuminated- but without indicating so, it creates an awkward "well, is it illuminating past someting or the past itself?" which is a hesitiation on the reader's part and disrupts the flow of reading. it's "tip-toe toward the window"- no "s" after "toward" (common mistake, not a biggie). Also, is it wiser to just leave a comma after "window"? Otherwise, lines 4-6 are much more difficult to fix. Should there be a period after "whit...

I like the piece, nice and short and concise. Just one thing, your last line: Any number of phrases could be used to replace "drops to the ground." fluttering, drifts, etc.

I like the meter, and I like its simplicity, and I like a lot of things. It's difficult to be very dynamic when you're writing a smaller piece like this. You do accomplish this dynamicism to a small extent anyway. I like the piece and it would be fun to read out loud. "Chastity", I believe is the word, not "chasity," but then again, I wouldn't know for sure.

I hate to be mean, but your poem loses a lot of the strength of storytelling that comes from the voice of the PLains Indian standpoint because you do not use a structure. Structuring your poem into lines and stanzas will give it a poetic touch, yes, but will help you use one of the strengths of the voice you are emulating: the ability to pause. Timing is so key. For example, "My therapist tells me to sleep more" does not work very well and seems awkward, when it could "snap" the reader out of...

Nice Poem- "Only our spirit's ache." Should that be "spirits" "spirits'" or as it is, "spirit's" Are you saying that the spirit has merged, two people as one? If that's the case, I like it just as much. nice. Also, strong finish on the last line. that's all.

I'm not writing this based on my opinion of your article (which is very interesting!). First of all, I feel like you do not give enough background information, a sufficient "hook," or enough supporting information for any part of your article. Also, you switch from first to third person focus at least twice. I'd like to see this thing expanded. It would turn out very interesting.

Well, sorry. It would be interesting to see a writing about this feeling of...need to cheat the system? Whatever this is, I can bet the admins are not gonna be happy :-)

Schwing!!! I'll be sharing this with my photo teacher, who's a disc golf NUT. Very clever use of words!