I have to say, although science fiction and fantasy generally turn me off, I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. You didn't opt for the whole corny overly descriptive but ineffective way that many writers in this genre often do. I particularly liked Malach's father as a character. There were a small amount of inconsistencies in the language that irked me a little, especially Garash,whose modern dialog seemed highly anachronistic in the primitive society you seemed to set the story in. Also, there ...

I thought it was amazingly original and very brave. I was a little unsure about the beginning with the whole heaven/ pre-fetus thing at first, but you made it work. I loved the numbers thing and the bit about her birthday. It was very refreshing. And very funny. You're a fantastic writer. I have one criticism, and at this point I'm really just splitting hairs, but you tended to be a *BIT* over-descriptive. Like the part about the restaurant at the very beginning, or the description of the dad...

Hm... not bad. I liked the repitition. It was very effective and definitely children's book material. I did have one or two problems though. In some places, the dialogue bothered me. Not in a severe way, but I noticed it. I'm a firm beleiver in the reality of dialogue, and even though I tried to look at in from a children's book perspective, I kept telling myself that no one talks like that. Like the whole part at the end could have been alot cleaner. But, overall, a fun story that I could de...

Well, I'm curious to hear the tune that would accompany this, but the lyrics were decent. Not incredibly deep or moving, but not horrid. I didn't get the part about the tears living on. But other than that, it was enjoyable.

Well, I have to admit, you could've gone alot of places with it that just weren't reached. The dialogue really bothered me. I can't picture normal people talking like that and I didn't relate to any of the characters. Ok, now that that's over, I loved the stage directions at the beginning and I wish you would've ran with the whole interpretive thing and had more original ones towards the middle/end. I could kind of sense the tension between Dali and his father, but I was taken out of the stor...

I liked it. I mean, it dragged in some parts and a good chunk of what you were saying made no sense to me. I'm curious about how old the character is to have given up hope for any sense of progress in his life. It didn't make much sense to me why he ended up like this, but it was still more or less effective. But it doesn't read to me like he's all that depressed. More like he's bored. You have some work to do, but you have something here, I think.

I think this was amazing. I really felt the pain and fear and frustration of the soldier. I have very little critique, because I think you executed this peice flawlessly. One thing I noticed was every now and then, the character would say something a bit hokey... like the whole part about him going into the war at the end. But it was never serious enough to detract from the story. Also, I liked the way he sounded sort of philosophical at some points, like "Age shall not weary me, nor the year...

It was amazing. The prose was detailed without being too showy, the dialogue was real, the story interesting, everything was perfect. I don't have the patience with all these stupid window things, but from what I read, I loved it. I literally have no criticism to give you. I hope you get published very soon, because if this was a book, I would buy it.