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Don_Giovanni's profile
AGE:
30
LOC: Lithonia, GA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 08
LOC: Lithonia, GA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 08
Hi! I’m new to this, but I love writing (as a hobby) and honesty so tell me what you think of my collection of short stories and works of fiction! Thanks for your honest feedback!!
Items
Version 1
3 Reviews
0 Comments
It is a Thursday evening and the girls are on their way to their usual spot, Makayla Lounge, to have a quick drink and plan their weekend activities. "121 Livingston." says Sherea as Monet, Nicole and Dawn climbed into the taxi. "Lauren and Chante must be meeting us there? It's not like them to be late!" Monet stated. "I don't know!" replies Sherea. "I'm just tired of waiting on people! I've been waiting on Chante and Lauren all day long, I've been waiting for my boss to give me the damn prom...
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
.......I woke up to a phone call. The voice on the other line sent chills down my spine that made me forget all about the hot wet dream that I was having! It was a voice I hadn't heard in some time, the same woman from the blog, "Our Next First Encounter". The conversation was short and to the point. She said "You have 30 minutes to get over here. The clock starts once I hang up. If you aren't here in that time, you can't cum in!" The call ends. I immediately jumped out of bed, threw on some ...
Version 1
2 Reviews
2 Comments
......I met her at a local pro football game. I was walking to my father's suite in the dome when this statuesque beauty, full of grace, slid ever so softly across the walkway, as if she was gliding on air, towards my way. I had to stop her, since she had already caused me to pause in my tracks. I had a light conversation with her, only to find out that she was working and had to get back to entertaining her clients who were only two suites down from mine. Realizing that this was probably my ...
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Reviews
I liked the message...just know that you don't have to try so hard to rhyme all of the words....
The story seems like it would be a good one after it is finished, yet I wasn't compelled to keep reading it. I'm not quite sure what it is, but an element is missing from the story that I can't put my finger on. It's not pulling me into it like a reader should want to be. But overall, it is an interesting concept. I liked how you went back to the beginning to explain where you are and what events brought you to that point. Also watch out for grammatical errors. I caught a few in there, but no...
I'm sure you are looking for a publisher for this work and would like to help you out with it. This is an interesting take on the period war story. I just want to say that it does get a little drawn out listening to them talk between each other. It diverts the attention of the reader and turns them off to finishing the rest of the story. Stick to the story that you are trying to tell and don't try and fluff it up by filling it with dialog that doesn't add to the story. It's more of distractio...
Great read!! I enjoyed it all!! The attention to details made me actually believe that I was sitting right along with them! I did feel that at first you were paying attention to too many trivial things, but I saw how it tied in to the rest of the story! Again, a wonderful story with rich detail and an interesting plot, as well as ending! Didn't expect him to be so disconnected with what was going on around him, but then again, things happen in front of us that takes us a minute to wrap our mi...
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