One of the better, cleverer pieces I've read on here in some time. I think your story flows well and the capitalized 'cliches' help keep the reader reminded of the satirical nature of this piece. Parts of it remind me of Tom Robbins, others Douglass Adams - just in the sense of humour and the narrative. It's well observed - you've obviously watched far too many tired, uninspiring movies and kudos to you for having a pop back. ”That’s correct John, the magic of violence. Now let’s go.” - my fa...

Short and sweet - I really liked this for it's simplicity, it conveys the scene well but doesn't seem to try too hard. You have a good, easy style and I'd have read on and on. Didn't notice any typos or anything else I'd be tempted to change. Good stuff.

Well enough written - but really what is the point? Your notes say that you didn't want to do any clever manipulation of the word as this had been done before - which is fair enough. But to then take the concept and purposefully not be either clever, or funny - I can't quite see what your hoping to acheive here. Sorry to say, but I lost interest quarter of the way through...

Ha ha - very clever. Boy you got the Urbis bug bad, worst part is I can relate to this. Can't really find fault with this - top class work.

Actually pretty good, I enjoyed the sardonic sense of humour and I think most people in relationships can probably relate to the 'in-car fights' you describe. As for where to pitch it - I can see this in any travel supplement or maybe some motoring magazines. It's concise and light hearted - the kind of thing I can imagine reading in an in-flight magazine. No glaring typos that I noticed and nothing I'd be tempted to change. Good stuff.

One of the better pieces I've read in a while, well written and an interesting style(s) - the first segment in the pub seemed almost sitcom-ish, whilst the second segment came across as a lot more literary. Your characters seem pretty clearly defined, and although I'll be honest and say that the back cover blurb you added to the notes wouldn't have piqued my interest enough to buy the book, there's enough in this first chapter to make me wonder what happens to Void, and how the rest of the st...

I think this would work pretty well as an intro to a novel (it almost reads like a movie voice-over), perhaps preceeding meeting lover no. 25 which is where the true narrative kicks in - I don't think you could get away with maintaining this style for long - it works well as a summary to bring the reader up to speed but is too pared down to keep them interested for more than a couple of hundred words. The humour was appreciated (especially the 'ginger' bit). I'd be interested to see how you p...

It's hard trying to review a graphic novel without the graphics, but I can kind of picture the scene here based on the strength of your dialogue. My only criticism would be that this doesn't really seem to go anywhere, I'm not sure if thats just because this is a segment of a longer piece or not though. I'm curious to have a better understanding of the whole concept behind 'Toxic Shoppping' just so I can gauge where this would fit in... Maybe graphic novels is something Urbis could branch out...

Very good - I really enjoyed reading this, it was well written, perfectly paced ( I felt ) and the only real downside was the pervading sense of hopelessness of the narrator, making it a somewhat depressing read - but then, given the subject matter, it's only right that it should be slightly depressing. The end annoyed me somewhat, how easilly the narrator was made a scapegoat and sentenced to death - it didn't ring true, given the amount of witnesses that would have been there. The only typo...

Bit too short an excerpt to make much of a judgement really - the dialogue seemed reasonably well executed but given the brevity of the piece I had no real notion of who these people were, where they were or what was going on. I'd suggest giving us a bit more to go on, even your notes could give some background info on the story which would help reviewers be more constructive.