Dous's profile
AGE:
28
LOC: South Africa
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 12
LOC: South Africa
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 12
nothing much to report here…
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Version 4
7 Reviews
7 Comments
Accessing the memories of subject Jacob Green, hereafter referred to as Jake, proved to be harder than anticipated, as a direct result of the advanced state of deterioration present in his cerebral cortex. We have, however, been able to recover most of the data leading up to the events under investigation with only minor losses. Please note that since the data capturing nodes were only implanted after the subject's hospitalization, we only have access to thoughts and memories accessed after t...
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ran his hangs through her flowing red hair that was the only fault i could find, other than that, the characters are obviously well developed, the pacing is good, and the interactions believable
he felt like one of those British soldiers in Zulu. - is Zulu a book or maybe a movie? maybe just mention that for extra clarity adjust to the speed of the place - nothing wrong with it, but i suggest maybe rather saying "lack of speed" Fro the hundredth - you would probably catch this when you do a second draft overall i am impressed, it's very clear, the tone is just right and in a short amount of time you had me interested in both the story and finding out more about the characters. great ...
Icarus’s should just be Icarus' is there a reason for the capitalized words in the middle of sentences? other than that, great job, i loved the imagery and the flow of words
whore's and money, gun's - should be whores and money, guns... myth's - might be myths' or just myths If we believe that we our good should - we are good choose no to believe - not to no disagree - not to other than those few small things, i loved it, and a agree completely with what you're trying to say :)
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