DragonRider's profile

AGE: 18
LOC: Colorado Springs, CO
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 28

Writing is my life. sure i do other things but writing is my favorite. For as long as i can remeber i was always telling stories and now i have a chance to share them. If you review my stuff keep this in mind, I welcome any advice you may have that will help my writing improve.

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Items

Version 5

7 Reviews 4 Comments

“In the darkest of times, the world fails and kindness is leached out of the people. If we all just learn to be kind to those around us, to realize they are in the same predicament as we, then our world will take its first steps to defeating the binding evil. We all must learn to care, if our world is to change." Fira Masana Evil, a force which at times seems unbearable. There are those who are consumed by it, those who give up hope and let it rule them, then there are the few who, although l...

Talent - Overall

Clarity

create a convincing alternate reality and interesting plot and characters so that my novel will be published

Does it flow well? Is it interesting enough to make you want to continue? Is the dialogue real?

Sci Fi & Fantasy - Overall

The writing is clear and does not confuse the reader

Version 1

7 Reviews 4 Comments

Behind a tree, in the middle of a fierce storm, hid a twelve-year-old child with orange hair that gradually darkens to a blood red. Hiding behind the tree, she watched with horror, her golden orange eyes large in fright, as a group of Shadow Guards set her home on fire, with her parents tied up inside, entrapping them. All she could do was watch as the roaring flames engulfed her home, and her parents. When she closed her eyes, unable to bear the sight any longer, she heard her parent’s terr...

Talent - Overall

Clarity

create a convincing alternate reality and interesting plot and characters so that my novel will be published

Sci Fi & Fantasy - Overall

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Reviews

by LexiLane

I was unsure of how many days passed as I lay in the grass, but by the rising and falling of the sun, I believed it to be around half a week. For those three days, I lay in the meadow writhing in agony without the strength to move, with no food or water and my head filled only with thoughts of death. I prayed a coyote or bear would come along to end my suffering, but even late in the night when the animals’ howling and calls sounded very near by, no creature ventured close enough to so much ...

by hinton

Nobu set out along the Sandspills with his father Amado to learn the Dying Way. He knew nothing of the way himself, nor how it was to be taught. All he knew was that it was the only path he could take; Amado gave him no other choice. Good beginning. I don't have much to say, but I'll over this, get a thesarus and try to make the words more intresting, trap your reader in the story so they are helpless to stop. within the darkness. The air seemed No space. It was good, I just didn't find the n...

by Zakari39

You will probably hate me for this and want a refund, most do, but I see nothing wrong with this piece. I would say it was complete and go on to the next chapter to work on. If this was a published book I'm not sure I'd eb able to stop. I loved it. good plot adn story line, believable characters and I could see it. Now this doesn't go for grammer and spelling,seeign as I was always bad at that, but everthign that I see is perfect. He carried on his seemingly aimless sorting and shuffling for ...

by fainelloth

Locked

by Static

Not sure what else to do, I quickly shielded my icy blue eyes with my glasses and swung my dark jacket onto my shoulders as I followed. My head told me to run; screamed out at me and begged me to run. Okay... I see aproblem here, though it could jsut be me... You repeate my and me to often here, I would suggest rewording it so it sounds better. For Ex: My head told me to run; screamed and begged me to run. You slowly started to loose my intrest, but the following passage brought me right in a...

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ITEMS (4)

MEMBERS (2)

by 1Nevermind1

by fire779

by Essential_Serenity

by lx3rachel

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