Dtox's profile
AGE:
24
LOC: Flowery Branch, GA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: May 18
LOC: Flowery Branch, GA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: May 18
My name is Gary, I often use then pen name Dtox though. I just put my first short story on here (Spiritual Obsession) please check it out and let me know what you think. Thank you one and all.
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If I could take your pain away I would do it today If I could hold you tight And say everything's alright Then I would tonight All I want to do Is help you through So I wear a frown As I lay down And all I've got Is a single thought Of a very special girl My flawless pearl Yes she is you And you're blue I would die every day To keep your pain away I want to turn the bad to good And I swear I would If I could Dtox
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While you sleep I'll ask the lord to keep You in his care It only seems fair That someone like you Won't have to Feel sorrow or pain Be blessed by the sun not rain Cause I often weap While you sleep For not knowing what to say To take your pain away Praying in your dreams you Won't be blue If I can't keep you happy Then try to see I only want to Hold you Until your sorrow and pain Fades away I can only hope it helps you to keep This on your mind while you sleep Dtox
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You've been the perfect friend to me So I don't want you to see My pain or hear me cry Don't ask why I'me sure it'd hurt you inside It's not pride And you might think this is dumb But I don't want you here when the tears come I'm not being bold Or trying to be cold But this is pain like I've never felt It'd be nice to be held Still if it's all the same I don't want you to see me in pain So you can go on It's ok I'm strong This won't last long But I don't want you to miss any fun So please lea...
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When it all falls down Will you still be around To hold me Praying for a happier ending? Don't freak out This isn't something I like to think about I just gotta know What will happen when I go Will anyone be around When it all falls down? Or am I just here Hiding this fear Anticipating a day I won't see any way So what's it gonna be With or without me Does any one care enough to see A single frown When it all falls down D~TOX
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If this is what you call love, It's not enough To give a brighter day Or chase the blues away I'd like to think love is real But i'd hope it would feel Better than this Better than the dreams I miss So tell me why I want to die And continue to cry Because it's rough Knowing what you call love so drop your lies, Cheating eyes, And other things of such Cause what you call love hurts so much This is rough I've had enough OF what you call love Dtox
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Not a bad write. It's easy to relate to and understand.
0.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
This is an intresting read. I can't really think of anything bad to say about it. IN my opinion though, I don't really like how you continually use the line "Beware and prepare; they bring our demise.". Don't get me wrong though I do like this piece as I'm sure many others will wether they agree with me or not.
I really like this piece. I'm not sure there's any way I could tell you how to improve it, still I can say that some will like it and some will. My reasoning for saying that is that war and fighting usually have two different types of critics. Those that agree with it and the self righteous who don't.
This is a great piece. My favorite thing about it is how you chose to leave the end to be a surprise while stringing the reader along thinking it's an average write about food. Good job.
It calm him down… Being that you wrote this piece in a past tense, you need to add an "ed" at the end of calm. Other than that this is an intresting piece.
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