This doesn't exactly fit what I would traditionally call "non-fiction" and it honestly doesn't read like a letter either. However, it has merit in its descriptions. Lines like: "inside a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20, the prize in the Cracker Jack box" and "her cold, flourescent arms" make he piece worth reading. However, some of your metaphors missed the mark for me. The business about the bear and the hula hoop didn't seem to do anything other than puzzle and amuse me, which I don't THINK is what...

I like the play on words in the title, whether it is intended or not. I'm assuming that you intended at least that the man was "slated, cracked" but also, does he have trouble seeing? "and with eachandevery bridge of sighs" -- I think you meant to put eachandevery together like that. I suppose it works, but it DOES make the reader slow down. "and ne’er quite closed" -- due to the casualness of the language in previous lines, I'm not sure that I like the use of "ne'er". Overall, not a bad litt...

I like that you give each color two meanings -- both posistive and negative. However, for red (my favorite color) it seems like the meanings for all four COULD be taken negatively. Same thing with yellow. Is cautioun inherently bad? I really like how you did orange the best. I think two counter-opposing phrases are MUCH more poetic than groups of words which can be taken either way. Once again, with black -- endless as the night could be taken negatively. With white, a blank piece of paper is...

I'm thrilled that you're giving this much attention to the acrostic style. You certainly placed a lot of restrictions on yourself with all of the inner workings of the poem, for which I commend you. Now, to answer the important question: does the poem have merit on its own if it were read without knowledge of the other messages? I would say "sometimes". Sometimes the poem has phrases which interest or intrique like: "treacherous hallelujah", "ink drawn emotion", and "nerves iced". However, th...

"bathing in glorious sunshine everyday that poured in from the window" -- I think you would do well to remove the word "everyday" here. "sweeped it up and threw it away." -- the correct verb here would be "swept" The idea of the story isn't bad. I think that you mislabeled it as "poetry" though, because it's not that at all. My advice to you would be to be more descriptive. Other than the vase, what sorts of things were in the room? I had no idea that they were rich until much further down, g...

I haven't seen the video you're talking about but I like the image of the black, salty hair and your description of the bullet. The only advice I would give is to go on with this -- it's far too short to get an impression of your skill as a writer.

This is written by a five year old? I flat out don't believe that. "The people who created the Blues." -- I wouldn't really say America created the Blues. Seems like it would be more attributable to our African slaves if anyone, which seems ironic told in this piece. "Join the work force And waste their lives." -- interesting opinion on working women. "That America keeps hid." -- shouldn't it be "hidden"? "By some white plantation owner" -- white is an uncessary word here. There were no black...

It's hard to critque each poem indivigually, so what I'll do is give you an overall impression AND some lines I would fix. "I used to sleep outside to get closer to them." -- this line from untitled sounds like a pedophile. it's just creepy "Was it black because the ground was white or was it black from sin?" -- the second half of this line is messy. I think just 'was it black because the ground was white' is fantastic, and to balance it without something subpar ruins it. Some of your poems d...

"Words were thrown But they hit like blows" -- the word "blows" here seems flat. I would go with something more colorful like punches maybe. "And my infinite patience Ran out" -- I hope you know that by definition, something infinite cannot run out. But okay, I'll except it as a joke. "For my way with words Is a waste When i can’t breathe" -- I like the ending, best verses by far. Overall, not bad. Hard to get a sense for the writer in something so short.

The title definetely caught my attention. I've never collaborated with someone on a story before, but I like how your styles seem to mesh. If I didn't know there were two authors here I wouldn't have suspected it. "angelic vampire who had helped nurture his abilities at finding the very best art from around the world." -- I'm not sure I like the vampire part of the description here... how is Colin "sucking the life out of him" if he's helpful? "What does someone get the cheerful vampire who h...