What was it like to be fourteen in 1994? I know it is random, but I can't imagine. I can imagine all of the other years, but the nineties seem so differnt to me. Not sure why. anyway... I would cut the first sentance. When you say that there was just a thin ribbon of smoke the reader gets a good picture and it is obvious that the fire was not obvious at all. " and the smell that only fire has" do you really think that this is adqeuate desripition? I think that you can play with it more than t...

I hate stories that begin with "My name is..." it is a mutrity issure for some reason I think. I know that when I was young I began many a story just like that. But I think that there are much better ways to introduce characters. Show me that her name is Annabelle through conversation. Or by telling the story yourself rather than put the main character as the narrator. You could begin... Annabelle pulled her fingers through her ____ hair. Then we know her name. Know that it is a girl and we h...

Wow. I love how you drop us right into this. Suddenly I feel like I am in high school, in that long narrow hallway by the gym. That was where my locker was. I mean this is great. Sure there are a few mistakes, but by reading over this again carefully I think that you can catch them. Then end seems a little rushed. Try to pull on it and develope it a bit more at some point. Good job.

I like the fake antique line in the first stanza! I find the second stanza massivly confusing. Where are you? What is this? Oh can we not go back to the beginning where it was simple and cute. And I understood and I could visualize!? Not bad, but I liked just the first paragragh. The last one was good, but it felt a little disjointed to me.

I really enjoyed the bit about people thinking that it rains everyday there, but in reality it is beautiful. That is the case here in Rochester as well. People say it's all gray and rainy everyday. But I cannot imagine a more beautiful place to live! Even today, n January, the sun is shining bright on a cold, clear morning. Yes, I hold that bit special to me. Well I would LOVE to read more of your story here, but the damn thing won't let me turn the page! It is stuck on the whole thirty secon...

"Her younger brother by a year" This sounds awkward and we don't even know how old she is yet. That third paragraph is really rough. Man, I cannot for the life of me understand what you are talking about. " were best friends" It seems funny to me that I cop would use a phrase like that. I would replace it with the word "close" to sound more coppish if you know what I mean. What? Hmmmm. she killed someone. You really drop that on us. I wonder if there could be a different sort of preamble. Whe...

I know a girl who does porn and I think that her major is Journalism. She writes well of I remember correctly... I hate stories that begin with "my name is..." there are better ways to do that! I think that there are many who know that they have that super power too, evebn if they are not porn stars.

I have never, ever been in said position, but the way you right brought me there and made me feel it and beleiev it. Good job! This seems like a magazine peice to me. I wish I could offer advice, but I don't think it can get any better than it is.

How about puncuation and regualr form for a story. I like the idea, but I don't like reading it.

Good job with driptions! I mean right off the bat: "tune of his sandpaper steps" Great job! The priest's voice sounds like that of a preist! "nigra" ? what is that? a misspelling? Wow, just a thrilling story. What more can I say?