EGMcLeon's profile

EGMcLeon avatar
AGE: 22
LOC: Elk Grove, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: January 15

My name is Mike, I’m 20 and live in Elk Grove California.  I’ve been playing around with writing for only about a year and so far I’ve really enjoyed it.  Unfortunately like most of my hobbies I never seem to find the time to do it.  I hope to improve my writing skills and this site seems like a good place to get some constructive criticism.

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Items
Screenplay / The big race.
Version 1
14 Reviews   5 Comments
INT. SCOTT’S BEDROOM DAY SCOTT sits at a computer playing a game. A phone rests on its cradle next to the computer monitor. The phone rings four times before the Scott finally pauses game to answer. SCOTT (Irritated) Who the fuck is this? SCOTT’S MOTHER Scotty! How dare you answer the phone like that! Who do you have calling you to answer like that? Ya know what, don’t answer that, I don’t even want to know. Are you coming home for dinner tonight hon’? SCOTT (In a whiney, apologetic voice.) S...
Ratings & Rankings
Short Story / Business As Usual Part 2
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
When he came to the first thought to go through his mind was that he had died and was now in heaven awaiting judgment. Then he remembered thinking how dumb it was when people who found themselves in the hospital after an accident think they had an out of body experience because they saw a bright light and heard voices they couldn’t understand. It’s more comforting to believe it was an out of body experience rather than realize it was in fact the lights in the hospital emergency room and the ...
Ratings & Rankings
Short Story / Business As Usual
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
Thus far the night’s been pretty slow. There were a few customers here and few there but for the most part a fairly uneventful night. In fact, there weren’t even many police in the area. These were the thoughts traversing Franklin Jones’ mind late on cool calm Saturday evening. Had he known what was to befall him in exactly one hour, he probably would have gone home for the night. Franklin, or Frankie as his friends and customers know him, started selling marijuana three months ago. With two...
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Short Story / A Perfect Day
Version 1
4 Reviews   0 Comments
It was a dreary day. The sky was a dull gray and the rain offered its presence sporadically. It was a perfect day for a funeral. The priest stood next to the casket, resting on its morbid mechanical elevator to eternity, and spoke to a small gathering of crooked eyes. Nobody was listening. Most were looking at the ground but a few were caught in their perpetual and collective nervous glances at Robert. He sat isolated from everybody else in more ways then one. During the entire service he sat...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
Has the world, no, has existence itself ever spoken to you? Today’s the day I’ll make my way out to the bay. Laughter is the ultimate medicine. (And simple rhymes with simple rhythms always make me laugh.) And still some seek sustenance in other substances. Silly addicts, there’s no hope in dope. I guess an occasional indulgence can suffice And sometimes pragmatism can be a vice. But if what you must do to live makes you want to die, What’s the point? Some say “money makes the world go ‘round...
Ratings & Rankings
Reviews
Short Story / Safer Words
Locked
Short Story / Intro
I'm no editor and can't immagine how many submissions they get or how little time they have to read them but to be honest I would have kept reading if there were more here. If only to get a better gauge of your skills. From what I can see, your writing is discriptive and has a decent flow but without more to read I can't say much.
Short Story / Uncertainty
Removed
Short Story / Peripheral Vision
You are a very talented writer. The descriptions you give are vivid and, in my opinion, never over the top. I particularly liked the ending. Unlike most short stories, it was conclusive and fit very nicely. Keep writing. I look forward to reading more.
Deleted Item
A bit confusing but still well written. Not long enough to develop a plot but I still liked it.
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