Well, I like the simplicity of your prose. But for some reason I feel distanced from this piece, as if you didn't apply enough passion to your descriptions. Some more specific things: "The road leads to the destination of the driver/where he feels like crap"-I don't like the use of "crap" in this sentence. It's just not a good word to use poetically, and even shit works better in this case. "Why did they have to tell me it was a cement truck?"-I don't think this ending works well here, and it...

I like the ambiguity and simplicity of the poem, but I feel if anything you need to make it more complex. I feel like right now, it is more of a personal note to yourself - I would like to feel what the narrator feels, but I am only given the slightest hint of nostalgia, nothing else. Develop the ideas within the poem and the emotion within the narrator more, and this will be a solid piece.

Page One - Pretty good exposition, I already like Hannah. Page Two - The little stories are very cute here, still no technical errors I see Page Three - Very good job with moving the plot along nicely and giving us some insight into the characters. Page Four - Formatting error here : " Not surprisingly, Patty Dawson was given the singing solo. The gymnastics girls had been chosen just as Hannah had thought they would be for the gymnastics routine." -Just too big a space “I have two left feet,...

First Stanza- "Hair as smooth as silk, but black as night "- These are both very common simile's, use something else. Ok, same goes for line 2 Line 3 just sounds awkward, and you used "your" instead of "you're" Second Stanza- You change up the rhyme scheme here, which isn't good. Also, inclue another syllable in the fourth line.(Actually, the third and fourth line of this second stanza are the only interesting ones in this poem) Third Stanza- This entire stanza is pretty bad. I don't want to ...

Ok then, no technical stuff. "Had simply tripped some neurological valve. " - This line doesn't flow very well, mostly because of "neurological". The Fourth stanza is the best of all of them, in my mind. The self awareness, humor, and morbidity are balanced very well here. I don't like the last line of the fifth stanza, it's feels rushed and uninspired. Overall, I don't think it's quite a publishable piece yet, but I do think it's good. Emotionally and mentally, it had me chuckling at the cle...

Wonderful job! This Haiku is one of the two I have read on this site so far that provides excellent imagery within it's short span. I'm not sure "rumpled" is the best word to describe the state of the trees though, as it's too closely associated with fabric and too far departed from a state a tree could be in. Otherwise, excellent work.

The first five lines are good. Then "No one cares, nobody listens" strolls around, and that just sounds juvenile and entirely non-poetic. Line 7 is good. In line 8, I don't like the term "old fart" - but that's just me. Lines eleven and twelve are probably the best in the poem. 14 and 15 are good. In 16, I would take out the term "numb to the world"- it feels redundant after saying "neither happy nor sad". With a bit of re-working, this could be a very interesting poem. Keep up the good work.

Hm. I don't see this as qualifying exactly as poetry. I feel like this is more a group of concrete sentences put together in stanzic form. It just feels like you listing some things off. It reminds me of an inspirational message a person could here in any classroom. I think this does succeed as a conventional inspirational message for high-school, and perhaps in that sense it is poetry. It's is secure as a collection of statements with a very nice, if not original message. If you want it to b...

I love all your stanzas, but I feel like there needs to be more in the transition from chasing the desert flowers to the sun going out. Give more description of your search. As I said, each stanza is good, but they need to be fleshed out. As it is, I'm distanced from the poem because it runs through too many ideas and settings too fast.

This poem would gain a lot if you took out 2x2 end rhyme. It screams amateurism, and without it you can spend a lot more time developing your imagery. "I held him under and watched his release as he drowned and became deceased " - This is very redundant, and it's clear you were just had to find something to rhyme. "a bloody puzzle with parts now erased "- This line is haunting, and the only one with memorable imagery. Really, try rewriting it while keeping a rhythm and meter, but removing the...