Eboneezer's profile

Jillian: “Damn those hills.” If it wasn’t for those hills being so steep I could be a magnificent runner. I bet I could run 5 miles no problem. No, screw 5. I could do like, 15. And, that would be my easy day. I would wake up early, cook a hearty breakfast of wheaties and sprint through all 15 of those miles without so much as a heavy breath. Right now though, the part of my brain that controls movement in the legs has officially shut down and I’m sprawled out on my neighbor’s lawn reveling i...

Let me tell you about what used to be my boring little life in a boring little town. It used to be that in Beasley there was nothing to do except for boring little things, and nobody to know except for boring people. Up until last year the most exciting thing to have happened in my little town was when Mrs. Hannover’s husband once caught her cheating and pulled out a gun to shoot the man she was cheating with, but shot himself in the crotch instead. Don’t ask me how you pull that one off. If...

My widower baths me every day.

“Make the next one a double,” I demanded. I tilted my head back, let the liquid summersault down my throat, slammed my shot glass on the table, and ran the back of my hand against the corner of my mouth. This is the best place I could be right now, I thought. Sitting her at Mac’s Bar and Bar all by Myself. Of course I wasn’t drinking anything more than caffeine free sprite, but the thrill of slamming a shot down my throat was enough to help take my mind off of what had just occurred. Mac’s B...