I have to say, that was quite touching and it really did make me think. As a story-based lyric, I think you succeed. You leave enough to the reader's imagine as to what happened between them and how she ended her struggle. It pulls you in but doesn't overwhelm you at the same time. You feel bad for the main girl, and you wish that something had happened to change, but it is futile, since her supposed love ran away with his preverbial tale between his legs, and left her alone. I think this pie...

I have to say, that was quite interesting. I especially liked how you kinda tricked the reader into thinking that the man smoking was just a soldier on duty, instead of one who is about to be executed. Good use of the old bait and switch. It does make me wonder why the guy ended up before a firing squad. I liked the way you described his noticing that the sun and the dew, as if life seemed to bloom around him after taking that first drag. All in all, I have to say you have a really good short...

I have to say, the flow of the story itself was quite good. There was nothing in the story that didn't belong, and it wasn't bogged down by anything that would slow it. I especially liked the way the characters spoke, it seeming real to me when I read over it. I like what the Astani can do and the fact that the boy has some of their powers. My only wonder is, when he grew wings did he actually turn into a bird, or did he just spout wings. Your piece gives the reader a very enchanting read. I ...

I have to say that was quite an interesting read. It was very descriptive and envokes so nastalgia for days gone by. I liked, or should say was disturbed by the fact that the person sitting on the tail-gate started out in one place only to end up in the same sort of place in the end. I guess you are trying to say that their life never went anywhere, and it makes you wonder about the narrator. Did their life ever go anywhere. But all in all, I have to say that I really like what you have writt...

I have to say that I really liked this piece. I reminded of a bright, pleasant spring day.

I like the story, it is unique. I'm amazed that you were able to write it using Tarot Cards, I've never heard of doing that. Sounds interesting. I was a little confused at the ending. Did the husband break the old woman's neck and that's why Ellen whapped her husband. Or did the old woman's neck just break with no cause what-so-ever, making it a supernatural death. I wanted to point out the occassional abscence of punctuation, as seen in this sentence. "“She deserved it that damn woman defini...

I really like the words here, and they paint a really good portrait of a person falling hard for another. I'm just curious as to find out what kind of music to you see would accompany this. Country? Pop? Ballad? Alternative? I think it could go in any of these catagories, and I would definitely want to hear what it sounds like when put to music. Also: What kinds of instruments do you see being used to help the lyrics along? Just wondering. It's a great piece.

I have to say, I really liked it...It was short, as most Haiku are, but it still painted a wonderful picture..great work...

Wow, that was amazing. I love the descriptiveness of the story, and I love how it seems so real. Your characters are vivid and I can picture them in my head, not the faces, mind you, but the characters. I thought that was sweet how he stopped fighting with his wife, when he realized that she smelled like jasmine and that there were roses on her nightgown. That was a nice touch. Overall, as a story, I say that you have definitely succeed in your goal, and I can't wait to read more from you in ...

wow, I have to say that was a very descriptive piece of poetry. It kinda made me sad at the thought of the person who was looking in the mirror, but it sound like a real person that has lived a very hard, kinda disappointing life. Bravo. Excellent. Can't wait to read more from you in the future. :D