Elandra's profile
AGE:
22
LOC: Lake Charles, LA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 13
LOC: Lake Charles, LA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 13
Hello fellow readers and writers. I am 21 years old, still writing since my embarrassing beginnings at the age of 8. To me, writing is an important outlet. A means of getting all of the jumbled thoughts, chaotically bumping into one another inside my mind, into some sort of tangible, controllable form. I also view it as a form of art, beautiful in and of itself. Conforming a language to reflect a certain concept, evoke a certain feeling, to me is a skill worthy of perfecting.
Aside from writing, I have many hobbies which I enjoy in my free time, and a wonderful boyfriend who is always by my side supporting me. If all goes well, in May 2009 I’ll be graduating with an English degree, which will make me oh so happy. My obsession with…
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Disorder Creature of her disgust – Her eyes slice across the short distance to where it stands, Victim of her scrutinizing. Such obesity and corpulent waste! She ponders the purpose of her own existence, Finding no suitable answer. The vulgar reflection makes her cringe, Repelled by the honesty of the mirror’s image; It offers a condemning critique. She circles bony hands about her waist, Shocked at the mounds of flesh filling her palms. Skin is pinched between fingertips. She...
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I awaken from my dream and cross the floor of the dimly lit room. The woman is there, motionless before me. Her white gown is stark against the shadows. She is quiet, as always. Her stillness echoes off the walls. "What do you want?" I question, though I know she will not answer. Impatient, I press her. "Don't you have anything to say?" It is raining again. No, pouring. I can hear the raindrops crashing chaotically against the glass. The window tells me nothing more. The ...
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Childish Fears I dip beneath the blankets, Pull them taught to my chin, and stare With wide eyes across the empty room. Toys scattered carelessly, lovingly on the floor. The nightlight is the safe point. Don’t let your eyes stray from that glow. I glance at the clock, waiting for the hour. Thin hands tick closer towards the moment. Too soon the door will cautiously creak open, Stuttering as it catches on rusty hinges, And my demon will creep through the opening, Approaching my bed wi...
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Such depth alongside truly beautiful writing is hard to find these days. Above anything, the use of language and the imagery of this poem were sublime. The alliteration, especially towards the beginning, was lovely. The first line itself with the apparitions of delight dancing compels the reader to delve further into the work. Only problem I had reading it was that some of the punctuation seemed off, making it confusing at times. For instance "a mind wrought Dancing shadows" The lack of a per...
Amazing work. The sound within this poem were especially striking and I found myself being drawn into a state of peace as I read it. The thunder fracturing acoustics was a particularly striking thought - great work. The only line that made me pause was "as it spreads the mountain's valley". After a second read I understood what it was saying, but the first time it sounded like the valley itself was being spread. Probably just me being petty, but overall an excellent read.
Personally, I love your rhyme scheme, but I feel that it would make a better read if you split the rhyming lines in half. I believe this would help with the flow of the poem, cutting down some of those very long lines that almost read as prose at times. The line "One stays the midnight, the other is Naughty" didn't make much sense to me? I can't make a connection between midnight and being naughty. Overall an excellent theme and shows great potential. I enjoyed the idea that they are one and ...
Very beautiful poem - well written and brimming with intensity and anger. You did an excellent job of getting your emotions across, with you quick short lines. The word "whore" alone gives the poem a rough feeling, which compliments the theme very well. Enjoyed the read very much! One thing I noticed: the third line from the beginning seemed off. I feel that this is a very personal poem, and I think I understand what you are intending to say, but on first reading it saying "not from me" made ...
p. First off I would like to say that I thoroughly enjoyed this read. It seems that I read so much flash fiction these days that seems rushed through without much thought to the importance of every word and every detail in driving such a short story forward. Since you say you only want constructive criticism, I'm going to pick the work apart a little bit, but please remember that the writing and overall story were excellent. p. Punctuation for the most part was well placed. There were, howeve...
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