Elf's profile

"Fall was announcing its arrival with shortening days, declaring that, if business was at hand, we men should tend to it swiftly, for soon darkness would encompass us, leaving nothing besides the twisting, writhing, colorful lights in the blackness to guide us." Way to long a sentence. You really need to brake it up. I suggest adding adding a period at "for soon darkness". "...long night draw down the whiskers of my friends." This is vary unclear to me. How can night draw whiskers? Reword it ...

"He knew where his enemies laid," ...lay not laid. "His potion was in that room to his anxiety, excitement." This sentence makes no seance. I have ready it over a few times and am still not sure what your intended meaning was. Ether you have the wrong word 'potion' or its just not written clear enough. Explain it to me. "searching for, hundreds of years," searching for, FOR hundreds of years... (the whole sentence that goes with that isn't vary clear. I think you could clear it up and shorten...

"...among with the packing peanuts." 'along with'..or just 'among the'. “You should see the manual for the clockwork man.” “How big is that?” “Three-quarters of a page. Double-spaced.” Oh I laugh so hard. I loved it, I really did. Just one thing pooped out to me as out of place “Okay. May I frolic about your living room for a bit?” I get the style you went for, but her ASKING to FROLIC, sounds a little over bored to me. It kinda threw me out of the track, and that weekend the ending for me.