Make it a longer short story! Ghis is a good begining, but I was left wanting more. What does Whitney's day have instore? Why is the subject of Justin both painful and worn?

The imagery and flow here are excellent! I love the story and its meaning as well. If I would add anything it might be a bit of play with line placement and stanza spacing giving a visual image of the Uneven Spiral. All in all a very good read- bravo!

Reading this even after I've heard it once still brings laughter to my lips. Well done, love!

A very interesting piece you've got here. The use of imagery in the verses is very good but a loved the use of line placement to give the reader a visual image the whirlwind the object is experiencing. An excellent piece, all around, with exception of one or two typos. Great work!

This piece seems to me to show an incredibly unique and extraordinarily creative view of the evolution of the ancient myth. It definately holds the attention and captures the imagination. Great work!

first just one technical language correction that had me discombobulated for a moment- "...can’t go any further in chess as I was much too old..." this fragment contains two tenses, so together it's a bit disconcerting. choose either the present, or past form for both word here and it will be much mor clear. Now as to the piece as a whole, I loved it. It is not often one can say they enjoyed reading an essay, but the way your passion for your cause shines through the language and the narrati...

Definately an interesting read even when simply reading for the pleasure of the story. There is a point at wich you refer to Jeremy as a she, a typo perhaps? I found the exploration of the possibilities of adaption and evolution highly intriguing as well. The symbolism of the sweater and it's creation also present a myriad of possible interpretations. All in all I enjoyed it, but the sheer amount of deep thinking required on my part as reader.. well, it may take some time, for if I attempted ...

This would be great if it were actually nineteen pages of a story, but it isn't. I see nineteen copies of one page! Now obviously that first page was good enough that I wanted to read more; enough even that I atually looked through all nineteen pages! Imagine my disappointment when I found no more than that. I don't know if your computer had a copy and paste issue, or you did, but the first page was as, I said good. So let me know when you've got the rest of the story up.

This is a very interesting piece of writing. I love the use of imagery and symbolism, to portray this dreary and exausting view on life and world. This piece however did not stike me really as poetry per se... a journal entry perhaps? All in all a good read and a wonderful glimpse into the view of another human being. Thank you , and good work!

First one little typo that needs fising- .."sea as the run rises tremulously..." change run to sun Now this poem is lovely and the story sounds almost like a commingling of "The Lady of Chalote," and a local folk tale. The imagery used was particularly effective and the sadness wonderfully expressed. Godd work and good luck with this piece!