Emanon_Mercury's profile
AGE:
20
LOC: Waldorf, MD
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 20
LOC: Waldorf, MD
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 20
I’m 19 years old and I have a story that I think will be a box-office, pulitzer prize winner! I just need some… practice so to speak. Lol. Enjoy my work.
Items
Version 1
4 Reviews
0 Comments
Victor goes to his favorite room; a sound proof booth where he writes. The room is bare except for the cushioned walls that dull out all sound, a hanging warehouse lamp that illuminates the room and a gray trash basket in the far corner. In the middle sits an old, chipped, undecorated wooden table with a simple mahogany veneer finish and on which, a yellow tablet and black pen. Victor sits on the stool and leans over, picking up the pen. A rapper by profession, Victor has captured the hearts ...
Version 1
4 Reviews
0 Comments
Andrew Clemmons was born in 1924. He lived in a small town called Greenville in southern Louisiana. On his 35th birthday, Andrew was suddenly struck with a disease that tore at his insides. His body decayed from the inside out. Doctors came with the best treatments, but nothing helped. The disease got so bad that soon Andrew could not move his body at all. The part of his body that seemed least affected was his head and neck. Andrew Clemmons sat in a hospital for four months dying. Everyday, ...
Version 1
5 Reviews
0 Comments
Jack ran. The soft hum of fluorescent lights sang a sickly song as he blasted through corridors of the old abandoned building; a ear-wrenching, constant, ghostly buzzing that to any moral man, would be discarded as irrelevant. But Jack was not a moral man. He bolted through the halls, knocking down tables and chairs and would be furniture, anything that would slow down the progression of his pursuers. Behind him he could hear their calls to each other, their shouts to him. He turned his head ...
Version 1
6 Reviews
0 Comments
He sat in the warmly lit bedroom. The glow of his lamp gave the room a pristine golden hue. He sat... thinking. One side of him, soggy, crumpled tissues. On the other, cheap, generic brand lotion. In front of him, playing in a constant loop, the porno he had just finished with. He watched the mesmerizing display of sin, his manhood slowly creeping out of dormancy. But then abruptly, his mind was revealed to him. As the images scrolled past on the television, thoughts developed in his mind. “T...
Version 1
7 Reviews
5 Comments
It was I think July, when I met Charlie. He was young. Young... and fresh. You can tell because the fresh ones are always cocky, always dreaming. He seemed cool on the outside, as if the boys didn't scare him; immune to the abysmal prison walls. And it wasn't till that night, that the young man exposed himself. I was the unfortunate one who had to help him through it. They closed the bars behind him. I watched as they slid home, scrapping the floor as they shut. He was quiet for about an hour...
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Reviews
Hello! This is a very brief piece, but I'll do my best. Um... to begin, I think your rhyming scheme may be a tad bit too elementary for advanced readers to enjoy. It's not a slight on you or this piece in anyway, however, when reading it, I did feel like I was in 1st Grade again. I don't know if you had a specific beat or music behind this, however, I think it's a good to perhaps extend your verses lengthwise. This way you can use a butt-load of words and really get funky with it. I'll give y...
Hello! I have alot of questions and comments on this piece so lets just get right into it! :D To begin, in the early stages of this piece, I notice you dropped alot of names. You have Becky Resner, Van Stephens, Martin and Beth McCowan, Carlos Resner, so on and so forth. As I continued to read, everything fell into place eventually and worked out. However, in the early stages, you introduce so many characters in their full names that it becomes very distracting and tiresome. I was trying to r...
Hello! First, I want you to know that I did enjoy your piece. It is very warm and refreshing to meet an individual who has such a passion and appreciation for this county (when I say meet, I mean the image that is given through your writing :P ) You have a lot of potential and this piece is good, however there are a few essential flaws which make this piece somewhat difficult to follow. Your commas and punctuation arent bad, but it needs some tuning. You have commas where there doesn't need t...
Yuor writing style reminds me of myself. I write the same, packed full of description and detail. I really enjoyed this story (not just because it reminded me of me :P). The only problem I truly see is that you may use the word and too much. We (meaning both you and myself) pack our stories with details. The only problem with that is sometimes, you may throw off a rhythm when you want to incorporate too many details into the story. Like, if somebody reads a paragraph, it may stand out more or...
Wow! I really, really enjoyed this poem. Um... The new forman you tried is original and it does make the poem alot more fun to read, but to me, it makes the poem look alot more elementary and childish Now the content of the poem is awesome! I love the subject matter, a love the rythym (everything just flows off the tongue freely), I love the word choice (P.H.D. in Street Pharmaceuticals GREAT), but that new format made too playful. Other than that, great poem!
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