Emilyw1980's profile

I rated you a seven based on the fact that I believe this piece has potential. Although, the premise of your piece seems amusing in and of itself, I find that there is not very much about the character inserted in his letters. I did like how you had him insert the bit of knowledge of theft in the first letter, really funny. But, again I feel that the more we get to no Alfred by his little admissions, the more we would laugh.

This piece exudes what you were feeling very well. Which I imagine can only be utter heartbreak. I imagined losing my mother, having to see her go through a horrible illness, and it brought tears to my eyes. But, I like how you ended the piece by inserting a message of hope. Your mother is not fully gone, she is still affecting the lives of you and your family. And above all she is in a better place. Truly a beautiful piece about love and loss, something which affects us all. Thank you for sh...

Overall it was very engaging, and left me wanting to read more. Also, I liked the noir feel of the text. For example, how Nadine makes smoking sensous, much like a femme fatale from the noir genre. I like how you use the broken glass in the bar, and bring it back with the broken glass of the car wreck. I also like how the main character mistakes the cops name for Butcher, it seems like you may be foreshawdowing here again. Without reading the rest of your piece I can only say that what I have...

I love the two lines: An extrodinary facility for Making mountains into molehills. I think they are the strongest lines in the poem, and I like how they are in the middle of the poem, it is very fitting. :)