out know matter - should be no matter cigarette smoke and chocolate. - Cigarette smoke is a smell a lot stronger than chocolate, so unless his hand was stained with cigarette smoke and he'd just eated chocolate you wouldn't be able to smell both. 'Just let the...' - Just let the girl go or just leave the girl alone? /> Agent - I'm assuming the strange symbols before agent are a typo I haven't read your first chapter but from what I read here this is certainly an interesting story. Apart fr...

I can't critique anything here because it is a synopsis. However this blurb did catch my interest. Your vampire screenplay seems like it would transalte better into musical than movie with a certain sense of humour as well as darkness.

considered puking - how can you consider puking, it's a force from the stomach, it wouldn't matter what he thought if he needed to throw up he would. behind him, a slight - instead of the comma I suggest you say 'behind him came a slight...' Aside from the above I really enjoyed this story. Your descriptions were great and this certainly keeps interest. More please

This poetry is truly beautiful in a very sad way, I can identify with it immedietly. Your use of imagry is truly astonishing. The only thing I can critique you on is It is the valley... I suggest breaking this sentence up with a comma - it is, ... Thank you very much...

'...think, but...' I suggest putting a period after think and starting a new sentence with To. 'The Council of...at peace.' - This sentence is to long and sort of hard to understand, I can't offer you a different way of writing it because I'm not sure how Maegi works. '...spit into the...' - Omit into and just write 'in'. ser.” did you mean 'sir' Overall this is a pretty good story. A lot of the dilaogue is a lot to take in and I had to re read it a few times to understand. I don't know how y...

Let me just start by saying this is quite a profound piece. i'm not sure that you really want this critiqued or published but rather just for people to read it and be inspired - I was. However I do have a few critiques: 'I was lying...the Earth,' This sentence is extremely long winded perhaps break it up by putting a comma after night, read it out loud, it flows better. The only other thing I picked up was a grammatical error: 'months . I escaped' Thanks for the inspiration

always steps behind - this will read better if you use the old cliche saying 'a few steps behind' but don't change it if you don't want to, it's a personal thing. Are you aware that your details are printed twice, once at the beginning of your query letter and once at the end? I believe only one is neccessary. the throbbing pain as - throbbing pain where? We know he is being dragged by the legs but is the pain there or in his head? but only momentarily. - How did he know he only blacked momen...

To me true beauty is something that the fewest of writers can truly caprture... and yet you do it easily and in the most exquisite of ideals. Perhaps the reason I dislike poetry is because I could never do this, however this is the only poetry I truly enjoy. Thank you so much for sharing your profound gift, and of course using the word enigmatic, it's my favourite word if you couldn't tell from my user name. Beauty is in the soul and yours is as expressive as they come... Jodie

get out so she was naturally - omit 'she was' it flows better. She froze...back up. - You use back twice in this sentence, omit one of them. Overall this was a good piece, you do a good job of descriptions and you did do an excellent job of creating a different universe.

Right off the bat I'm assuming everything in lower case is stylistic - otherwise you have some serious grammer correction to do. them. but - don't start a sentence with but. Either put a comma after but or change the sentence around so that the next line doesn't start with but. dear," - full stop after dear. You start off in past tense and then change to present tense. 'my fingers left me today' and then 'she has always' evening. with - change this sentence to 'the sky was red with a touch of...