Epiphany428's profile
AGE:
35
LOC: Irving, TX
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 10
LOC: Irving, TX
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 10
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Items
Version 1
10 Reviews
2 Comments
Your luscious body Soft to the touch Full sensual lips The kind meant for kissing Warm and delicious Your succulent lips invite me to dine MMM, taste so sweet Oh yes! I do remember you. Your ebony limbs entwined with mine My earth quakes and shakes and Opens up from the slightest stroke of your tongue Hungrily I await to be conquered Lights dim, Candles lit. You know I still burn mine Every night 'round a quarter past 2 Oh yes! I do remember you. Your memory lives and whispers your name Flows...
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Version 2
13 Reviews
3 Comments
Whatever happened to the truth? Does it hide behind Fake smiles and empty eyes? Or did it turn into a disease Called honesty? Whose remedy is an acidic pill to swallow. Or is it the syrupy sweet bubble pink coated slick words play on eager ears? Maybe the lie is really what People want to hear.
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Very funny. I don't know why but I am thinking about Holden Caulfield when reading this. I hate the term "wigger" also. Its a slap in the face. You might as well replace the "w" with the "n". I feel you on this.
You introduce the plot very well. I would like to know more. Especially about the setting. As a prologue, I feel it should end at "Little did he know that one child survived." "Evil, a force which at times seems unbearable. There are those who are consumed by it, those who give up hope at let it rule them, then there are the few who, although live in an evil world, are untouched by it."--It does not make sense to me. Its something about the flow. Too wordy. Here is what I come up with: Evil, ...
You are a very talented writer. After reading this chapter, it leaves me with some questions. What happend after Antonia informed Anton of the doctor? I think some action should have taken place. Did he have to bust out of the room, carrying Antonia, fighting his way to Midnight? Did he have to fight off "Richard"? The journal entry is out of place to me. As a reader, I was lost. Maybe you shoud italicze that portion. Where was Antonia writing in her journal? I was trying to picture that, and...
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