Well you definitely have experience with lyrics but with these I think you carry the Wizard of Oz reference's a little too far. They become almost comically over the top and then seem to be almost completely dropped. Otherwise this piece has good rhythm and a solid chorus.

Damn you have a lot of grammatical errors in this one. Definitely go over this a couple times, it will not take much searching to find them. Later in the story you seem to get a little lazy, a lot of sentences begin with the same first word over and over. You cease to describe in much detail opting instead to simply list basic details, "Aione looked down at her own lap trying to avoid eye contact with anyone. The evening had sunk into the night without her noticing. The bus was bright and hur...

I'm not sure if this can be labeled under poetry, but who really cares. This is a decent piece, simple, straightforward, but the message is one that has been told a thousand times. Doesn't mean you can't tell it again, and you didn't waste a lot of words telling it, but this piece seems more for you than for the reader. That said I don't think its' chance of publication is too high.

The melodrama of this piece is a little too much. Calm down. Not a lot of readers want to read a diatribe about someone that got dumped or cheated on, and in the grand scale of life youthful heartache holds little weight. You should work on making this more universal for the reader, write your message for them, not for yourself.

Well this is going to sound mean, and it is, but it is honest. This piece is long-winded, self-indulgent tripe. You need to fix the punctuation, spelling, and grammar, you're being lazy. The line breaks make no sense. The ocean analogy does not work and you drag it on to almost comical levels when you say you did not bring a towel. None of this works as a poem, it is more of a letter with nonsensical line breaks. Scrap and try again.

There are a few spelling errors in here you should clean up real quick, won't take you long just give it the once over. This concept has been done many, many times. Do you have a unique angle for this? What about this version sets it apart from others? You will definitely need one to get this published. The dialog is very stale and impersonal, if the main character is speaking to her long time friend they should speak more comfortably and not have to explain, in speech, that Detta is what the...

This would work but you know that there needs to be more here. It is almost impossible to review these lyrics, while what you have is fairly strong there would have to be far more unless you are writing a song for James Brown. Without the rest of the piece this section is effectively useless.

This piece is a little too cliche, from the man seeking revenge for the death of his family, to the soulless men in black appearing in his dreams, even to the pre-war era being referred to as the before time. You need to set yourself apart from other science fiction whereas this reads as a collection of everything you like about science fiction. You need something uniquely you or else it will attract no one. Expand on the story as a whole and get back to me, I'd like to review it again.

You need to stop referring to him as the wanderer, or nomad, or whatever other similar you you're going to use. At least do not do it as much. Also, sentence structure, it's getting pretty repetitive. You need to mix your sentences up. Posting small little snippets like this make reviewing very difficult, please wait and post larger sections.

I am sure you have received this critique before but, this is not a screenplay. There is not knowing how to write a screenplay and then there is not even bothering with trying. This is the latter. The dialogue is far too melodramatic, tone it down a touch. Lines like, "Tears bring a flood for her spirit to drown in." are ridiculously Maudlin. I know this is another era, but you have to work on some semblance of realism.