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Erisyu's profile
AGE:
17
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 01
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 01
Bonjour my precious tulip.
My main passion in the entire world is story-writing. I cannot get enough of it. Sometimes when I have to do coursework, I blow it off and carry on one of my stories. I know I shouldn’t do that but that is how serious I am.
I am now doing my A Levels: RS & Philosophy, English Language, Art & Design, Media Studies and Maths GCSE re-take (sweat drop).
I’m thinking of quitting them after AS Level, to be honest.
I write Fantasy/Thrillers/Romances/Horror – I normally form them together to have a multi-genre story. I have written seven stories and most of them are uncompleted due to the demand of A Level work.
I know my age is quite young, but don’t judge me by it. I am quite intelligent and I won’t ac…
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Version 1
4 Reviews
3 Comments
NOTE: This short story piece is meant to not make sense but rather for the reader to make their own interpretation on whats happening, a more thought provoking piece than a clear insightful description. -- Flourishing like a rush of sensitive nerves forced to their peak, anger expands in my sand-papered skin of fury. I swirl, I hurl, your face laid flat on the surface of concrete. That pang of familiarity hits you just like the bones of my fist, it's cold, just like your iced heart. Thunderou...
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Version 2
6 Reviews
3 Comments
NOTE: The middle section of this story needs work on but I can't figure out how, I would like a good review on how to improve the flashback. -------------------------------------------- Dust fluttered onto the walls of the girl’s nostrils as she was dragged by her bony wrists carelessly across the stone floor. A dainty, large medical dress hung loosely to her petite frame, those long model legs sticking out the other end. Yukari Tsubasa had been starved in poverty for the past 42 hours. The o...
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Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Dust fluttered onto the walls of the girl’s nostrils as she was dragged by her bony wrists carelessly across the stone floor. A dainty, large medical dress hung loosely to her petite frame, those long model legs sticking out the other end. Yukari Tsubasa had been starved in poverty for the past 42 hours. The only minerals and nutrients entering her system were chemically processed liquids from a tube. On first impressions, she looked like a cancer patient. Seventeen years ago, Yukari was born...
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Version 1
6 Reviews
5 Comments
Tyler's blood-thirsty eyes gazed upon the death-ridden corpse lying before him. Silence was all that fell amongst the school that Monday afternoon. The last gunshot had sent shockwaves through the student's nerves while the almighty powerful duo took over the school with their unbeatable weapons and their cool intellect. "Come on, we've got about a thousand more to fucking destroy." growled Tyler as he stormed out the class room, trailing his stained knife behind him. Scarlet followed, her ex...
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Version 1
5 Reviews
3 Comments
Location: South Yorkshire, UK When the clock struck early morning the world seemed dead asleep to the active of minds of the two young adolescents. As they sat perched on a chair, emailing late in the dead of night about their ambitions in life, numerous discussions aroused the conversation into a deeper topic which changed their views on everything they used to live for. Scarlet Thompson 01:35am You may think me a bit strange but I've never really told you this. I know you love the idea of ...
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That is very clever and true. The steps and choices we make often make our fate. Cause of effect. It is cute, I like it. I shall have a look to see if you have made anymore quotes.
"the steam from the manholes rises like a soul that’s leaving the recently deceased." This should be, "The steam from the manholes rise like a soul leaving the recently deceased." or you could swap deceased for departed, "leaving the recently departed." sounds better if you ask me. CAPITAL LETTERS, PLEASE. I think you've written a past piece I have just reviewed today aswell. Why the lack of capital letters? You're 28 years old and I'm 16, even I use proper punctuation. You shouldn't let litt...
Well the first thing I realized is there is no use of capital letters, whether this is intentional or not, it lowers the appeal of yourself, it implied to me that you are a young writer who hasn't had any experience yet. Perhaps instead of this: "again with that hammer of a fist in my face." It could be, "Again with that hammer fist in my face." It bumps out the "of a" and lets the sentence flow. There are parts of your piece that keep haulting me in the middle of reading. " ah. that one real...
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