EvanExempt's profile
AGE:
28
LOC: Columbia, MO
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 05
LOC: Columbia, MO
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 05
My name is Evan and I am here for the simple fact that I happen to enjoy writing. I write songs, short stories, and I keep a daily blog at myspace. I would never write anything sarcastic or critical. Most of what I submit should also be posted in the BLOG
I will do my best to give solid feedback to the other imaginative writers in the URBIS community.
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There is not a Friday that passes when Gloria Agatha Gillis doesn’t ride her bicycle to the Bun of Your Business Bakery at the corner of North Park and Ninth in the Village of Column Square, and there isn’t a Friday when Aleister Motts doesn’t watch her—secretly, though quite visibly—from the vantage of a tall second story window opposite the narrow street. She leans her red bicycle tenderly against the stalk of a naked oak tree, making delicate adjustments to the handlebars as it starts to ...
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There is not a Friday that passes when Gloria Agatha Gillis doesn’t ride her bicycle to the Bun of Your Business Bakery at the corner of North Park and Ninth in the Village of Column Square, and there isn’t a Friday when Aleister Motts doesn’t watch her—secretly, though quite visibly—from the vantage of a tall second story window opposite the narrow street. She leans her red bicycle tenderly against the stalk of a naked oak tree, making delicate adjustments to the handlebars as it starts to ...
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Version 1
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I have an idea I just don't remember what it is I meant to write it down But it was lost before I found the pen So here I sit In hopes it shall arrive again I have an idea I just don't remember what it is
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Version 1
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There is not a Friday that passes when Gloria Agatha Gillis doesn't ride her bicycle to the Bun of Your Business Bakery at the corner of North Park and Ninth in the Village of Column Square, and there isn't a Friday when Aleister Motts doesn't watch her——secretly, though quite visibly——from the vantage of a tall second story window opposite the narrow street. She leans her red bicycle tenderly against the stalk of a naked oak tree, making delicate adjustments to the handlebars as it starts t...
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Version 1
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I knew it had been a mistake– rather, I desperately hoped: returning home. Previous visits had trained me to the custom of a more celebratory welcoming. My arrival was by no stretch a funeral, but my heart had secretly hoped for a parade. This narcissistic impracticality could have easily led me down a yet another winding path of despair, but I found it easier to simply appreciate my more modest and practical tokens: a place to live, a night of free drinks, and above all else– pity, for whic...
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"What if life if not to live another day." Minor typing error. Need question marks in the last stanza too. I think most people's response would be, "My anger is right here in front of me every day of my life." Who are Gen. Stone and Gen. Clay? That part seemed interesting to me. All in all, it's above average. Not my style really though.
Good poem. *Two technical notes...* The last pair of lines: "another sunrise waiting for to one to come." I am not following the grammar, even when spoken. Am I missing something? Also: "weeping lilies tears". Should there be an apostrophe in lilie's since it is possessive? It is plural, but still possessive, so does that negate the need for an apostrophe? I understand that there is almost no punctuation in most poetry. You have only two periods in this piece and one is following the word hel...
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Informative. Well written. I think it is technically sound. There is one sentence: ...traditions wrote their findings, discoveries through their families’ path and ritual observances... Did you intend to use traditions as a plur. noun refering to people? Interesting. I have never seen it used this way. My Ma' is Irish, and I have been back there to visit a couple of times. I have some historical knowledge pertaining to this subject---though I always kind of viewed St. Patrick's day as a day w...
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Cute, but I think that this needs to be a comic strip or a cartoon. Don't get me wrong, I love it. I just don't feel that the literature medium does justice to the story---at least perhaps an illustrated story? I just feel like it needs a visual aide. Anyway, I enjoyed it deeply and found it interesting. One Passage: During the war though toast aided men and we’re trusted then out... (4th paragraph) I didn't get this sentence. Is there a missing comma or something? Am I failing to see somethi...
I like it. It is good-- substantive. I am taken by fun, lovely details, and am a little surprised to stumble upon such a piece in an online writing group like this (no offense to any one member); certainly worth publishing (in my humble opinion-- as a songwriter myself). I am curious to hear the music though-- but a little afraid, because I am kind of a music snob and I am worried that I won't like the music. Beautiful lyrics; A NINE FOR THIS THOUGHFUL, SKILLED SONGWRITER!
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