Good. Nice, facetious journalism bit. Sardonic, but not bitter. The Simpson's joke at the end was key. If you could do an entire page of these small bits on various international news stories, I would tune in to read. Do you have a blog? If you are doing this type of writing you could really get yourself a lot more input and exposure with a regular blog. Especially if you promote it a little. Here's mine: BLOG There are about 50 subscribers and a handful of other regular readers. It keeps me...

*Okay. Just some line-edits to start with:* Your fingers *weren’t* broken There is a tense problem here. He is talking to himself, right? It should be aren't. Read the whole passage again. Seattleites? People from seattle? Maybe you should italicize it. Joe shifts through the rack of shirts at Macy’s and *pulls out* to examine it I think you missed an it between the pulls and out If depression was the death of a thousand cuts *than* getting better is like learning to walk again. Good analogy....

*NICE* HAHA! Sharp, prickly wit. A dark riot. Your assessment of cocaine: painfully true. I like the stage-scene writing format, a nice touch. So, are you asking Santa for cocaine for christmas then? I am glad you changed your mind about him (your fiance', not Santa. LOL). You seem too honest and bright for a gambling liar like him... though I am sure he had his virtues. Good sex? That can hold a broken relationship together for a long time, especially for young people like us; I noticed that...

I deeply enjoyed the following use of parenthesis: incompetence(lunatics) The word in parenth really doesn't seem to even fit into the sentence, but rather (fits very well) into the idea. Cute. I like the imagery. I sometimes feel the same... though I would probably be driving drunk-- no wonder I just had my liscence suspended. Is there nothing I can get -- I felt as though this line could have used a vitamin or a steroid to beef-up a bit. (My opinion) ... but aside from that, good.

I think that young among people today-- people who might be inclined to adopt (and wear) words like cynical, ironic, farcical, satirical... or post-modern-- there is a certain inclination to smirk at such earnest (yet abstract) proclaimations as "bullshit". (Unfortunately, these are all too often the people I found myself surrounded by). Personally, I find an ocassional uplifting passage to be moving and very helpful. It is actually refreshing to step back from the bleak and dry-ronic for a h...

I like it. It is good-- substantive. I am taken by fun, lovely details, and am a little surprised to stumble upon such a piece in an online writing group like this (no offense to any one member); certainly worth publishing (in my humble opinion-- as a songwriter myself). I am curious to hear the music though-- but a little afraid, because I am kind of a music snob and I am worried that I won't like the music. Beautiful lyrics; A NINE FOR THIS THOUGHFUL, SKILLED SONGWRITER!

Cute, but I think that this needs to be a comic strip or a cartoon. Don't get me wrong, I love it. I just don't feel that the literature medium does justice to the story---at least perhaps an illustrated story? I just feel like it needs a visual aide. Anyway, I enjoyed it deeply and found it interesting. One Passage: During the war though toast aided men and we’re trusted then out... (4th paragraph) I didn't get this sentence. Is there a missing comma or something? Am I failing to see somethi...

Informative. Well written. I think it is technically sound. There is one sentence: ...traditions wrote their findings, discoveries through their families’ path and ritual observances... Did you intend to use traditions as a plur. noun refering to people? Interesting. I have never seen it used this way. My Ma' is Irish, and I have been back there to visit a couple of times. I have some historical knowledge pertaining to this subject---though I always kind of viewed St. Patrick's day as a day w...

Good poem. *Two technical notes...* The last pair of lines: "another sunrise waiting for to one to come." I am not following the grammar, even when spoken. Am I missing something? Also: "weeping lilies tears". Should there be an apostrophe in lilie's since it is possessive? It is plural, but still possessive, so does that negate the need for an apostrophe? I understand that there is almost no punctuation in most poetry. You have only two periods in this piece and one is following the word hel...

"What if life if not to live another day." Minor typing error. Need question marks in the last stanza too. I think most people's response would be, "My anger is right here in front of me every day of my life." Who are Gen. Stone and Gen. Clay? That part seemed interesting to me. All in all, it's above average. Not my style really though.